The Left Calf

Introducing The All-Athlete Fight Club

2009-07-08T10:28:00.001-07:00

Finally got this done:

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/214159-introducing-the-all-athlete-fight-club

Anquan Boldin for Brandon Marshall?

2009-07-01T09:43:00.000-07:00

Published today on Bleacher Report:

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/209881-trading-headaches-why-denver-and-arizona-should-swap-boldin-marshall

Also, enough with Michael Jackson, long live Billy Mays, the San Francisco Giants are for real, Albert Pujols is God, Minnesota should be embarrassed for electing a schmuck like Al Franken, The Hangover was really funny but not the funniest movie ever, I have an Argentinian mistress who is my soul mate but don't tell my wife, Chris Carpenter probably just lost his chance to play int the All-Star Game, and Elijah Dukes got sent back to AAA so it's only a matter of time before he attacks somebody with a bat.

Best Late Picks in NBA Draft History

2009-06-26T09:15:00.001-07:00

Published this yesterday on Bleacher Report: http://bleacherreport.com/articles/206377-the-ten-best-non-first-round-picks-in-nba-draft-history

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For you non-twitterers, Clippes GM/Head Coch Mike Dunleavy criticized Bill Simmons yesterday on a radio show. This was Simmons' response.

On Cowherd's show, Dunleavy just called me a "joke writer" & said I had "no credibility." Pot, I'd like you to meet kettle!

Here's a joke: "What do you call an NBA coach who's 194-298 with the Clips?" A: "Still employed!!!" Now that's a funny joke.

1 more joke: Q: "What do you call a coach who decimated 40% of his team's season ticket holders base?" A: "Mike Dunleavy."

Ok, 1 more: Q: "What do you get when you cross cheap suits, booing, 35-point losses + players mailing it in?" A: The Mike Dunleavy Era.

Mike Dunleavy saying someone has no credibility is like Michael Richards calling someone a racist.

I'm so on fire with Dunleavy jokes that Dunleavy just brought in an ice-cold Daniel Ewing off the bench to slow me down.

And now, a few excerpts from Mike Dunleavy's upcoming coffee table photo book, "How The Hell Do I Still Have a Job?"

"I look like this a lot. I'll be honest: It freaks out the players." http://tinyurl.com/nrmtq7

"After bad calls, I look like I'm trying to pass out a kidney stone. Again, it's important to scare your players." http://tinyurl.com/n6ga87

"The end of a typical exchange between me & Baron Davis." Jon & Kate have better body language than us. http://tinyurl.com/lkr6vt

"Here's me waiting for Elgin to turn around so I could plunge a knife into his back." http://tinyurl.com/km3elm

"My players were disappointed when this collision didn't put me in the hospital." http://tinyurl.com/mm5jr7

"Even the refs can't believe I still have a job." http://tinyurl.com/m4e7ym

"A typical scene from last season: One of my players passing me without making eye contact." http://tinyurl.com/mbu6mb

"Here's my doing my thing in the huddle. Notice that nobody is looking at me. Hey, I'm only the coach." http://tinyurl.com/msfy9r

"I bought this suit online for 75% off from a website based in Hungary. Good purchase." http://tinyurl.com/luy9w9

"One of my favorite sports coats. I bought it from Vanilla Ice during an estate sale." http://tinyurl.com/mnsmbs

"If you wondered how I can be 194-298 with the Clippers and still have a job, here's your answer." http://tinyurl.com/lsz23u

An NBA Column!

2009-06-24T10:04:00.000-07:00

I actually wrote an NBA column. How about that? http://bleacherreport.com/articles/205652-jefferson-deal-another-sign-of-a-broken-nba

Also, I really enjoyed this beat-down of Tranformers 2. Michael Bay can suck it. http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/Movies/06/23/review.transformers.revenge/index.html

Also, "Citi boosting salaries to offset lower bonuses." I'm waiting .....

Freak Out!

2009-06-23T05:29:00.000-07:00

This dude filmed his brother freaking out because his mom canceled his World of Warcraft account (whatever that is). It's freaking hilarious.

Twitter Vacation Diary

2009-06-21T17:15:00.000-07:00

Rather than keeping detailed notes on my Disney family vacation, I decided to aggregate my tweets from the past week and post them here. So here they be.

5:15 AM Jun 12 - Going to Disney now. 5-year-old daughter and 2-year-old son on terrorism watch list. Nice.

5:51 AM Jun 12 - People who cheat family boarding on Southwest Airlines can suck it.

8:59 AM Jun 12 - Florida is so much nicer than Missouri. Missouri sucks. Damn.

9:40 AM Jun 12 - Everybody is so damn friendly. I bet this place goes through at least $1 million in Xanax a week. Where's the bar?

12:32 PM Jun 12 - At some indoor theater. Slightly cooler, but damn the stink is enough to make a terrorist cry. On a related note, Adam is crying.

3:45 PM Jun 12 - If there's a murder at Disney World, who has jurisdiction?

8:07 PM Jun 12 - Finally, at 10:02 pm EST, 17 hours after waking up, a Jack and Coke. And all is well again.

9:04 AM Jun 13 - If I had to pick one word to describe the ride "it's a small world," it would be "holy crap I'm glad I'm not on acid right now."

2:10 PM Jun 13 - Confucius say: When you start to smell stink everywhere you go, that's a pretty good indication it's you doing the stinking.

4:21 PM Jun 13 - Where does "end of a long vacation day" rank on the "great time to have a beer" scale? Pretty damn high I'd say.

11:13 AM Jun 14 - Pool side with an ice cold Coors Light. Beautiful.

1:24 PM Jun 14 - Lesson of the day: Two-year-olds not big enough to maintain proper equilibrium on solo voyages down huge water slides. Who knew?

5:40 PM Jun 14 - Met all the princesses tonight at dinner. Somehow I thought they'd be hotter. Hmmm....

(In response to 1:24 pm tweet, friend Sydney asks: “umm. is he alive at least?”)

6:58 AM Jun 15 - @smithsydney Who? I've been huffing sun screen for three solid days now. I think I just saw a giant mouse wearing a chef's hat.

(Sydney explains: “Adam. The one who may or may not have went flying off the water slide yesterday?”)

11:45 AM Jun 15 - @smithsydney Oh him. Yeah, he's OK. Though I could have sworn I heard him call another kid an infidel while we were at the pool today.

2:42 PM Jun 15 - The thing I like about Epcot is you can drink beer from lots of different countries. I've got Italy, England, US, Germany and Norway so far.

(Note: I later learned I didn’t have Italy. I in fact had Belgium instead.)

2:46 PM Jun 15 - Another thing to like about Disney is you can fart wherever. You can do the pause, the walk & roll, or even the lift. It's total freedom.

9:51 AM Jun 16 - You know you have a coffee addiction when it's 90 degrees with killer humidity and you're sweating balls ... sipping a hot cup of coffee.

12:53 PM Jun 16 - Kelly changed Adam while standing during the Hollywood Studios back lot tour. The boy didn't seem to mind the total loss of dignity.

2:31 PM Jun 16 - Day 5, 3:55 pm, Kelly finally cracks, tells the kids to suck it. (No worries. They didn't hear her. Plus she says that to me all the time.)

7:54 PM Jun 17 - This place is so damn magical my balls hurt.

8:15 PM Jun 18 - Last night of vacation, had to hit up ESPN Club. Bartender Joe kind of a dick, but poured a mean drink. Better than a smile and sissy drink.

(In response to this tweet, Kelly tweets: “@Sethdoria shouldn't you tweet about cool wife who was ok with you going out by yourself on the last night? :)”

(In response to Kelly’s tweet, Sydney tweets: “Yes. He should.”)

8:37 PM Jun 18 - @smithsydney: @kellydoria Yes. Thanks wifey. (She's 12 inches from me in bed and I'm tweeting thanks. Welcome to the new age.)

And that’s pretty much the gist. It was hot as hell. We did all the rides we could, ate and spent far too much, and were less than distraught at the thought of coming come. And I might just like drinking alcohol a bit too much.

Also, thanks to Kelly for planning this whole thing out. She spent months pouring over books and web sites, planning every detail for the perfect vacation. And though things didn’t always go exactly according to plan, it was a trip my daughter Abby will never forget. I mean, what six-year-old girl wouldn’t remember Cinderella wishing her a happy birthday?

Thanks wifey.

(That makes a tweet and a blog. Now that's new-age gratitude.)

At Disney

2009-06-13T06:51:00.001-07:00

Updates throughout the week on Twitter. @sethdoria

Example from yesterday: if there's a murder at Disney, who has jurisdiction?

MLB Draft Notes

2009-06-10T06:02:00.000-07:00

Some thoughts from watching the MLB draft:

* If Scott Boras is using Dice K as a barometer of Stephen Strasburg’s worth, does that mean the best Washington can expect is a career 3.97 ERA and 1.4 WHIP?

* You know what was missing from the MLB draft: Fans. Hell, even the NHL has fans at the draft. Where were the Nats fans freaking out that they just got the supposed second coming of Cy Young? That would have been the best day in franchise history, or at least since they announced the move from Montreal to DC.

No fans? Bullshit.

* The weird thing about most of these guys is how many of the college players are slated to compete in the College World Series. That would be like having the NFL draft before the bowls, or the NBA Draft after the NCAA Tournament. What if the guy gets hurt? That’s dumb.

* When the Orioles were on the clock, Tyler Matzek,a lefty high school pitcher from California, was the top player on the board. But Matzek was asking for crazy cash and so Baltimore took California high school pitcher Matt Hobgood instead.

Signability was by far the most-used word of the day. It’s like “long” at the NBA draft or “passion” at the NFL draft. And this is where baseball is really fucked up. The Orioles are in a division with Boston and New York and they’re drafting based on who won’t fuck them over in negotiations. Fuck that.

Matzek lasted until pick 11 to Colorado.

* In an interview, Giants first-round pick Zack Wheeler, a high school pitcher out of Georgia, looked about as comfortable as a Mormon in a whorehouse. He didn’t look to be all that pleased to be drafted by San Francisco either. The only thing he could say about the Giants is that Barry Bonds used to play there. Don’t these guys have media coaches?

* Walt Jocketty may be a master of pro personnel, but he’s not exactly a maven when it comes to drafting. I look forward to Albert Pujols taking first-round pick Mike Leake deep in four or five years.

* Keith Law may be a cantankerous prick, but he got 12 of 31 picks in his mock draft right. By any standard in any sport, that’s a pretty impressive performance.

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Found an NFL draft with three Hall of Famers in one class: In 1957, Cleveland drafted running back Jim Brown with the sixth overall pick, defensive tackle Henry Jordan with the 52nd overall pick (fifth round back then) and guard Gene Hickerson with the 78th overall pick (seventh round). All told, the class had 22 Pro Bowlers and 17 All Pro selections (most of any class I've seen yet).

One other weird note: The Browns drafted two players who would go on to Hall of Fame coaching careers: Chuck Noll, a DB from Dayton, with the 239th pick in 1953 and Don Shula, a defensive back out of John Carroll, with the 110th pick in 1951. Current Steelers defensive coordinator Dick LeBeau was also drafted by the Browns (58th pick out of Ohio State in 1959).

The MLB Dying Pool

2009-06-09T06:11:00.000-07:00

The great thing about Spring Training is that every team has a chance. They’re all 0-0 with 162 to go. They’ve got stories of Tampa and Colorado in their heads.

Why not us? Why not now?

It’s beautiful.

But this is not Spring Training. This is June now.

And do you know what happens in June?

Dreams die in June.

Owners and executives look at the standings and see GB 10. They start thinking, “Maybe I don’t need a $12 million third baseman to lose 95 games. Maybe I should trade him for younger, cheaper guys so we maybe we can not suck for the next decade.”

You can’t blame them really. There are two and only two roads for a GM to take – try to win, or try to make the best of losing by re-allocating your resources for the future.

That’s it. Those are the choices.

The question then becomes of when. At which point do you look at the standings, say that’s it, and start pricing out your assets?

For Pittsburgh, that day was last Wednesday when they decided to trade Gold Glove outfielder and 2008 All-Star Nate McLouth to the Braves for prospects Gorkys Hernandez, Charlie Morton and Jeff Locke.

Nothing says “screw it, we’re done” like giving your best run producer to a team that’s only two games better than you in the standings.

Personally, I was a bit surprised the Pirates packed it in so early. They were only 6.5 back of the Brewers in the NL Central with 90 games to play when they decided to pull the plug.

For most teams, that’s still striking distance. I guess for Pittsburgh, that’s quitting time. To each his own, I suppose.

Though Pittsburgh was the first to call it quits on 2009, they surely won’t be the last. As Kenny Rogers said, “You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em.”

For these teams, it’s folding time.

Dead:

Pittsburgh (26-31, 7 GB)

I personally wouldn’t have put them here, but who am I to argue? If team management is going to quit, it’s only a matter of time before the whole house goes up in flames.

We’ll leave the explanation to first baseman Adam LaRoche, speaking to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette about the McLouth trade:

“There ain't a guy in here who ain't [ticked] off about it," said LaRoche. "It's kind of like being with your platoon in a battle, and guys keep dropping around you. You keep hanging on, hanging on, and you've got to figure: How much longer till you sink?

"It's fine. Heck with it. We're not the GM. We don't run the team. If they feel like it's the best move for three or four years from now, great," LaRoche said. "Unfortunately, that does me no good. I've still got to be in here telling guys it's going to be fine with Nate gone. Well, you can only do that for so long until guys just kind of ... well, they know."

Imagine how he felt watching McLouth go deep off Zach Duke in a 7-6 Braves win over the Pirates on Monday.

Washington (15-40, 18 GB)

The most interesting baseball sub-plot on the Beltway is how much they pay Stephen Strasburg. Beyond that, it’s how do you turn Nick Johnson ($5.5 million this year, free agent next year), Cristian Guzman ($8 million this year, $8 million in 2010) and Austin Kearns ($8 million this year, $10 million next year with a $1 million buyout) into enough talent to not lose 90-plus games next year.

Baltimore (24-33, 10 GB)

Only the Nats have given up more runs. Only the Nats have a worse run differential than the O’s. See the problem?

Now, Baltimore is in far better long-term shape than Washington. With Adam Jones, Nick Markakis, Luke Scott and Matt Wieters, the O’s have the nucleus of a playoff-caliber offense.

If I’m Baltimore GM Andy MacPhail, I hammer out an extension for Brian Roberts (free agent after the season), then deal Aubrey Huff ($8 million in last year of deal) and Melvin Mora ($9 million with a $1 million buy-out after this year) for more pitching.

Dying:

Kansas City (24-32, 6.5 GB)

The Royals just don’t have the bats to compete in their division. And unlike some of the other teams on this list, the Royals don’t have $30 million of expiring contracts to turn into viable prospects.

Currently just 1-9 in their past ten, KC still has some life at just 6.5 back of the Tigers, but it seems to be just a matter of time before the anemic offense drags down the pitching staff and they fall completely out of it.

Hey, anybody want to pay Jose Guillen $24 million over the next two years?

Oakland (26-30, 6.5 GB)

After winning seven in a row, it’s tough to throw dirt on the grave of the 2009 A’s. But this was never a team built to win in 2009. Their pitching is just too young and their hitting is just too old.

GM Billy Beane might find himself in the position where the market for his assets presents itself before the team falls out of contention. Pending free agents Orlando Cabrera ($4 million), Bobby Crosby ($5.25 million), Matt Holliday ($13.5 million) and Russ Springer ($3.3 million) might all bring in some return on investment. But how do you gut your roster when you’re two great weeks away from the thick of the race?

Then again, the A’s are just 11-17 on the road and face two nine-game road streaks before the All-Star break, so that might not be a problem.

Cleveland (25-34, 7 GB)

The Indians pitching is just a mess. They’ve given up the second-most runs in all of baseball and are carrying a preposterous 5.47 ERA out of their starting pitching.

To put it another way, you know you’re screwed when Carl Pavano is your second-best starter.

The Indians will almost undoubtedly trade Mark DeRosa ($5.5 million in the last year of his deal), but the larger question is what they do with ace Cliff Lee and catcher Victor Martinez. Both have a club option for 2010, Lee at $8 million with a $1 million buyout, Martinez at $7 million with a $250,000 buyout.

In essence, the Indians won’t just be deciding on 2009, but 2010 as well. If they think they need to blow up the team and start over, you trade Lee and Martinez now because you’ll get more in return from a team that gets to keep them an extra year. But if Cleveland thinks it can compete in 2010, you keep both and roll the dice.

I’d keep them.

Colorado (25-32, 13 GB)

The Rockies are going through the post-manager-firing run right now, killing the Cardinals to the tune of 987-4 (or something like that) in their four-game sweep in St. Louis.

But the Rockies are in the extremely unfortunate situation of playing in the same division as the 39-20 Dodgers. Already 13 back in the division, Colorado is looking at not only climbing over San Diego and San Francisco in their division, but also teams like the Cubs, Cardinals and Mets for the Wild Card. Even for a team just two years removed from their miracle run, that’s just asking too much.

With Ian Stewart ready for full-time ABs, the Rockies would do well to trade Garrett Atkins for some young pitching (though they’re probably better off waiting until he’s hitting over .200).

Arizona (25-33, 13.5 GB)

Brandon Webb should be fine for 2010, teaming with Dan Haren as the nastiest 1-2 in the National League. But they have got to get a big bat who can anchor their line-up.

Here’s an idea: Get Holliday from Oakland. At least you know he’ll hit whenever the D-Backs play the Rockies at Coors.

Houston (25-30, 7 GB)

Did I just miss the headline about manager Cecil Cooper and GM Ed Wade being fired, or has that really not happened yet?

To give you an indication of how bad things have turned in Houston, the Astros are looking up at Pittsburgh. Granted it’s only by one tenth of a percentage point, but still. Two months into the season, the Pirates, who have already kissed off the season, are ahead of you in the standings.

That’s got to be humiliating.

Now there are some positives for Houston.

1. Brandon Backe is a free agent after this season, so he can finally quit pretending to be a pitcher and go be a second-rate MMA fighter, which is where he belongs.

2. Lance Berkman is signed for another two years and Carlos Lee is signed for three. With those two alone in your line-up, not to mention Hunter Pence, you have a chance to compete. And with Roy Oswalt signed through 2012 (he can void out the final year), you have the ace you need to contend.

(Count me in the camp that blames Oswalt’s down year on the WBC. If I were a team exec, I would never allow one of my pitchers to pitch in that event. Ever.)

3. The Astros have some pieces they can move. Kaz Matsui ($5 million) is in the last year of his deal). So is Miguel Tejada ($13 million, a large portion of which Houston would have to eat in order to get back anybody decent). And who knows, maybe somebody will want to rent out the corpse of Pudge Rodriguez for a few months.

The bottom line for Houston is they need to clean house at the top, including the firing of both Wade and Cooper, then focus on building their rotation behind Oswalt and Wandy Rodriguez, preferably not with guys who have already had career-threatening arm injuries (Mike Hampton) or guys who were 7-22 over the previous three seasons (Russ Ortiz).

Under Close Supervision:

San Diego (27-30, 11 GB)

This is a team that’s trying to kill itself by trading away Jake Peavy, only he won’t let them so they’re “stuck” with the winner of the 2007 pitching triple crown. Poor them.

The frustrating thing for Pads fans has to be that despite ok pitching (and a very good closer in Heath Bell), the offense is absolutely atrocious with a .235 batting average. To give you an indication of just how bad that is, you have to go all the way back to the 1992 Mets to find the most recent team to finish with a sub-.240 team batting average.

If (when) the Padres do eventually gut the team, good luck. Peavy doesn’t want to leave and the hitter you would most like to dump, Brian Giles ($9 million in the last year of his deal), is one of the guys dragging you down (.192 BA, .275 OBP, .278 SLG).

Question

2009-06-08T09:37:00.001-07:00

I'm working on a new series called Retired Athletes Fight Club. Here's the central premise: If you could see any two retired athletes fight each other, who would you pick and why?

Seth on the Radio II

2009-06-05T05:44:00.000-07:00

Here's the link to last Saturday night's radio appearance. Pat was kind enough to edit out my "contemplative pause" while talking Babe Ruth.

https://rcpt.yousendit.com/696704864/1711bb2d334aa87d4b394a877edbb5d6

Rodney Harrison Out With Class

2009-06-03T20:08:00.000-07:00

I know Rams fans are still a little sore at Rodney Harrison (though you shouldn’t be, since the Greatest Show on Turf doesn’t happen without him taking out Trent Green’s knee, but whatever). But even Rams fans (or anybody who hated him, which was pretty much everybody but Pats and Chargers fans) have to respect the following statement from his retirement press conference:

On if we could see a Favre-like return:

“Never. Never. For me, that’s a very thin line and a sensitive issue. I don’t want guys on my team, or guys I played with, to have to answer questions about Rodney Harrison’s return. When I made my decision to retire, I made my decision to retire. I just thought it would be very disrespectful of me to come back and forth and not make my decision. That’s why I said June 1 was my date. So now, being fair to my teammates, being fair to the organization I played and coaches I played for, I wanted to make that concrete decision and not have my teammates have to deal with it. I never want to be a distraction. … Like I said in my statement, I’m done. I’m very much so at peace with that.”

You hear that, Brett?

Anyway, I’m glad Harrison played for my team and helped New England win two Super Bowls. That was fun.

Time for Brandon Meriweather to grow up now.

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So Barack Obama goes to the Middle East to try and talk some sense into the Arab world (or just capitulate to their demands, depending on your point of view) and Osama bin Laden has something bad to say about it.

Doesn’t he know Obama’s middle name is Hussein? Come on. I thought that was supposed to buy us some slack.

Anyway, Obama is about to aim his magic tongue at the Arab world on Thursday with a major speech on US-Muslim relations.

My instinct is to say there’s no way he can accomplish anything. They hate us and that’s just all there is to it. But then I think of all the times I’ve thought Obama couldn’t do something, only to see him blow away all expectations.

To put it in sports terms, Obama is approaching Bill Belichick territory. When a team like the Raiders makes a questionable draft pick, they get slammed. But when Belichick makes an unexpected move, everybody just kind of shrugs their shoulders and says “Ok. I didn’t see that coming, but it’s Belichick so we’ll trust him.”

I know there’s a bunch of people who hate Obama and everything he stands for, but I’m having a hard time looking at the country and seeing the negative consequences of his actions. Maybe it just hasn’t happened yet, but everything the dude has touched for the past two years has turned out pretty damn well.

Hell, he even got his NCAA Tournament bracket champion right. Dude’s on a roll.

Hope it continues.

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I’m working on a long-term project ranking the best draft picks ever at each position from 1 through 250. I’m hoping to sell it to a magazine for pre-draft publication next year.

As part of this, I’m also ranking the 20 best draft classes of all time. I’m only through six teams, but I’ve identified at least three of the 20:

* In 1961, the Bears picked tight end Mike Ditka with the fifth overall pick out of Pittsburgh. Other members of the class don’t resonate with the fans of today, but running back Bill Brown, defensive tackle Ernie Ladd, fullback Keith Lincoln, center Mike Pyle, tight end Bob McLeod and tackle Jim Tyrer combined for 29 Pro Bowls in their careers with 13 All Pro selections. The Pro Bowl selections are the highest total for any class I’ve seen yet.

* In 1964, Buffalo landed Carl Eller and Paul Warfield, both Hall of Famers, in addition to several other guys who were major contributors. All told, the class made 23 Pro Bowls and featured 10 All Pro selections.

* In 1965, the Bears selected Dick Butkus with the third overall pick out of Illinois, and Gayle Sayers with the fourth overall pick out of Kansas. Jim Nance came at pick 45. Butkus and Sayers weren’t just Hall of Famers, they’re two of the best to ever play their positions (though oddly Sayers isn’t the best fourth overall pick I’ve found yet – that honor goes to Walter Payton). Total Pro Bowls: 17. Total All Pro: 13.

(If those two went three and four, who the hell went one and two? With the first overall pick, the Giants took running back Tucker Frederickson out of Auburn. With the second overall pick, the 49ers took running back Ken Willard out of North Carolina. That’s right. Gayle Sayers was the third running back selected in the 1965 NFL draft.)

* In 1996, Baltimore drafted both Jonathan Ogden and Ray Lewis in the first round (fourth and 26th respectively) and Jermaine Lewis at pick 153. That’s 22 combined Pro Bowls and 11 first-team All Pro selections. Ogden and Lewis are virtual locks for the Hall of Fame. That draft set them up for a decade.

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A weird fact I found while checking Buffalo’s all-time list: Wide receiver Josh Reed, drafted in 2002, has played in 101 games with 284 career receptions – but just nine touchdowns. That’s a touchdown for every 31.5 receptions. It would take some doing to confirm, but I bet that’s up there for all-time fewest TDs-per-receptions by a guy with more than 250 career receptions.

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Tweet of the day comes from Sports Illustrated’s Jon Heyman:

“spies tell me kate hudson sat with 3 a-rod posse members who poured wine on field before his at-bats. odd, id say”

So it looks like the biggest douche bag in sports has a matching douche bag posse. No wonder they didn’t warn him against kissing himself in the mirror in that photo shoot.

Betting on Byron

2009-06-03T05:38:00.000-07:00

Another installment of breakout players for fantasy football based on new matches with their offensive coordinators:

Byron Leftwich, Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Not only does Leftwich walk in to a situation where he’s the presumptive starter (regardless of what Luke McCown seems to think), but he’ll be playing for a guy who loves to pass in new offensive coordinator Jeff Jagodzinski.

You might remember Jagodzinski as the former Boston College coach who got canned for daring to interview for the then-vacant New York Jets coaching job. But a look into what Jagodzinski did in his two years as the BC head coach, and one year as the offensive coordinator of the Green Bay Packers before that, and you have a guy who loves to put the ball in the air.

2006 Packers: Brett Favre threw the ball 613 times, tops in the league and the most of his career. It was the 11th-highest total in NFL history.

2007 BC Eagles: Senior Matt Ryan threw the ball 654 times for 4507 yards. The only guy who attempted more was Graham Harrell (713) in Mike Leach’s all-air-all-the-time offense at Texas Tech.

2008 BC Eagles: With nowhere near the talent behind center (no offense to Chris Crane and Dominique Davis), BC still threw the ball 448 times, most in the ACC and 128 more than a North Carolina team that sent three WRs into the NFL this past April. And this wasn’t one of those “we’re down 30 at halftime, so just chuck it” teams. The Eagles were 9-3 before losing the ACC Championship Game and Music City Bowl to end the season 9-5.

As for Leftwich, it seems like forever ago that he was pushing franchise legend Mark Brunell out of Jacksonville. But here are some things we know:

1. He’s tough as hell. The images of him getting carried from play to play when he was at Marshall are still some of the most inspiring in college football history. You want leadership? You got it.

2. He makes good decisions. His career touchdown-to-interception differential is plus 16 (54 to 38). And that’s with 16 picks as a rookie starter in 2003.

3. He can win. When he was having his breakout year in 2005, he had 15 TD to 5 INT and the Jags were 8-3. Then he got hurt, David Garrard made things interesting and the relationship between Leftwich and Jack Del Rio went south (not exactly an uncommon event with Del Rio). But that doesn’t change the fact that before he got hurt in 2005, he was on the verge of becoming an upper echelon quarterback.

4. He still has it. In a Week 9 Monday Night game at Washington, Leftwich had to come in for an injured Ben Roethlisberger. Pittsburgh was 5-2, but coming off a home loss to the Giants. The Redskins were 6-2 and had won two straight. All Leftwich did was complete seven of ten passes for 129 yards and a touchdown. The Steelers won 23-6.

Leftwich is still only 29, has relatively little competition for the starting job in 2009 (regardless of what Luke McCown seems to think), has an offensive coordinator who loves to pass, and some really good targets in Antonio Bryant and Kellen Winslow, Jr.

I’m not saying you make him your number one option at quarterback, but when you’re looking to fill the back-up QB spot in the late rounds, there’s a pretty good bet Leftwich is still on the board. You’re better off with him than guys like Mark Sanchez, Matthew Stafford or … David Garrard.

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Just watched RocknRolla. Classic Guy Ritchie. If you liked Snatch and Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels, check it out. Great soundtrack, too.

---

Tweet of the day comes from Terrell Owens:

“Sittin here trippin about residents @ 1 DEER RUN wn’t rent to me b/c they said they dn’t want any drama n their neighborhood!! LOL!!! Wow!!”

Tell me that’s not gold.

Twitter is Cool

2009-06-02T09:39:00.000-07:00

So I’ve got to admit that I’ve fully jumped into the Twitter pool.

At first, I didn’t really get it. But I’ve found the more people you follow, the better it gets.

For instance, I started following Bernie Miklasz of the Post-Dispatch. Then I went into the list of people Bernie follows and started following a bunch of them.

Now, among many others, I’m following Terrell Owens, Matt Hasselbeck, Nick Barnett, Torry Holt, Laurence Maroney, Chase Daniel, Jacoby Ellsbury, Steven Jackson, Leonard Little and Vince Wilfork.

And agent Drew Rosenhaus.

I like Rosenhaus because he’s always pimping his clients (or at least I think they’re his clients). Take today’s tweets for instance:

“Chad OchoCinco is really on a mission. He has truly dedicated himself this offseason. He will be tougher then (sic) ever to cover this year.”

“I like Dom Barber’s chances of winning a starting safety job with the Texans. Like his brother Marion, he is tough, smart and works hard.”

“Here’s a suggestion for the Ravens: Play LB Brendon Ayanbadejo on defense. To be that good on special teams he deserves a shot to play on D.”

“I’m looking forward to watching Jack Ikegwuonu this season for the Eagles. He is now healthy and has the talent to be a starting cornerback.”

So now I know that Ocho Cinco is primed for a breakout, Marion Barber has a brother, the Ravens don’t know how to manage their degensive personnel and Ikegwuono is the next breakout star at CB with the Eagles (which makes me wonder why they traded for Ellis Hobbs).

I happen to believe him on Ocho Cinco, though.

---

Note from Hasselbeck today: The Seahawks were working short yardage and goal line at OTAs. He tweeted: “TJ Duckett had a monstah day.” (Remember he’s from the Boston area.)

Then he wrote: “Previous post was a fantasy alert btw.”

So there you go. Seattle is working on short yardage and goal line and Duckett is the man who’s going to be wracking up the TDs.

See why I love Twitter?

---

Oh, and I had absolutely no intention of watching the MTV Movie Awards the other night. I didn’t even know they were on. I was happily watching Game 2 of the Stanley Cup Finals (really great games to watch; got to get to Joe Louis Arena some day) and then Kelly asked me to flip to it.

I grumbled, but then did it anyway. I’m not spending my sports watching bullets on hockey.

My God am I glad I did. Sasha Baron Cohen, in character from his new movie, came flying down the ceiling attached to some pulley system, then dropped down straight into Eminem’s lap.

The best part: He was only wearing a thong and he went into Eminem so that his ass was like two inches in front of Eminem’s face. He was so pissed. You could even here him say “get this mother fucker off of me.” Then he stormed out of the building with his entourage in tow. Classic.

Funny Stuff

2009-05-31T09:54:00.000-07:00

B/R writer by the name of Willie Gannon put together a slide show of those "motivational" posters. Some of it's gross, but almost all of it's funny.

Danny, slide 14 is you in a couple years. I can't wait to take that picture.

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/189258-motivational-pictures-for-sport

Meet The New Brian Westbrook: Steven Jackson

2009-05-28T20:03:00.000-07:00

Every year, fantasy football drafters make their assessments and draft decisions based primarily on the previous year’s performance. They may grade up if there’s been a major personnel move, or grade down if there’s some sort of age or injury concern. But, by and large, you take the stats leaders from the year prior and project forward.

One way to go beyond the crowd is to assess the coaching changes, either the head coach if he has an offensive background, or the offensive coordinator if the head coach is a defensive guy.

This year, there are nine offensive coordinators new to their roles: Pete Carmichael, Jr in New Orleans, Clyde Christensen in Indianapolis, Brian Daboll in Cleveland, Jeff Jagodzinski in Tampa Bay, Greg Knapp in Seattle, Scott Linehan in Minnesota, Mike McCoy in Denver, Jimmy Raye in San Francisco and Pat Shurmur in St. Louis.

Between now the opening of training camps, we’ll be looking at some of the players whose fantasy stock has risen the most as a result of coaching changes since the end of last year.

We start with Steven Jackson of the St. Louis Rams.

As a first-time offensive coordinator, Shurmur doesn’t have a history of play-calling on his own, so we have to look at what he learned servicing under Andy Reid and Marty Mornhinweg in Philadelphia.

And the lesson says watch out for Jackson.

For an indication of how Jackson might be used, here are the past three years for Philadelphia’s lead back, Brian Westbrook:

2006: 240 rush attempts for 1217 yards (5.1 average); 77 receptions for 699 yards (9.1 average); 11 total TD (7 rush, 4 catch)

2007: 278 rush attempts for 1333 yards (4.8 average); 90 receptions for 771 yards (8.6 average); 12 total TD (7 rush, 5 catch)

2008: 233 rush attempts for 936 yards (4.0 average); 54 receptions for 402 yards (7.4 average); 14 total touchdowns (9 rush, 5 catch)

Now the averages have certainly dipped year-over-year-over-year, especially in 2009, but something to realize is that Westbrook has always been an over-achiever in regards to his size. He had 685 rush attempts and receptions combined in 2006 and 2007, so it’s no real wonder that he would slow down in 2008 (though 1338 total yards and 14 total TD is still an extremely respectable total).

But look at the size differential between Westbrook and Jackson:

Westbrook: 5-foot-10, 203 lbs.

Jackson: 6-foot-2, 235 lbs.

Also consider the fact Jackson doesn’t turn 26 until July 22, whereas Westbrook will be 30 before this season kicks off.

How many times have the Eagles wished they had a bigger, stronger version of Westbrook?

Well now plug Jackson in Westbrook’s place in the Eagles offense, and that’s exactly what you have.

Now the counter-argument looks something like this:

1. The Eagles have a way better offensive line. Until the Rams get real about the offensive line, there’s no point in even trying to compare Jackson to Westbrook.

2. The Rams receiving corps is the worst in the league. Unless you sign somebody who can stretch the defense and force the defense away from stacking the box, there’s no point in even trying to compare Jackson to Westbrook.

3. Donovan McNabb is a way better quarterback than Marc Bulger. Until you have a legitimate quarterback, there’s no point in even trying to compare Jackson to Westbrook.

4. You’re stupid.

Let’s take them one by one (except for “you’re stupid.” There’s no point arguing that one.).

The Offensive Line

Do the Eagles have a better offensive line? Absolutely. But the Rams are going to be much better this year with the addition of tackle Jason Smith, the second overall pick in the NFL Draft, and center Jason Brown, signed from Baltimore in free agency for $37.5 million over five years. Add Brown’s deal with the deal Smith will eventually sign (using last year’s $58 million deal by Jake Long as a barometer), and that’s about a $95 million infusion of talent on the offensive line.

The real key here is Brown. I know the pay scales and draft positions would tell you the tackles are the most important players on the offensive line, but if the center is getting pushed back into the pocket, the whole offense is stuck. Just like on an old Civil War battlefield, there’s no point having strong flanks if you’re getting through the middle of your lines. But if the center can get push on the heart of the defensive line, it opens up the whole offensive attack, especially the run game.

The Wide Receivers

With the exception of the one year of not-a-jerk Terrell Owens, the Eagles have never boasted a top WR corps in the Reid era. Since 1999, no wide receiver has topped 77 catches (TO in 2004, Kevin Curtis in 2007 – the only two WRs to top 1000 receiving yards). The best of the rest from a WR perspective are guys like Torrance Small, James Thrash, Todd Pinkston and 2008 rookie DeSean Jackson.

Are the Rams receivers on par with the Patriots or Colts? No. But it’s not some great stretch of the imagination to think Donnie Avery and the Rams WRs can live up to the legacy of Thrash and Pinkston.

For a complete rundown of the Rams receivers, check out this earlier article St. Louis Surprise: Rams' Receivers Are Better Than You Think.

The Quarterback

It was only as far back as 2006 that Bulger completed 63 percent of his passes for 4300 yards, 24 touchdowns and eight interceptions. But with the beating he’s taken over the past two years (75 sacks and untold hits beyond that), it’s legitimate to wonder whether the now-32-year-old can regain the form that made him a Pro Bowler in 2003 and 2006.

The good thing for Jackson (remember that’s who we’re talking about here) is that Bulger is an extremely intelligent quarterback who is savvy enough to take the dump-off or short swing pass to avoid a negative play. There’s a reason why Westbrook has 355 receptions over the past five years. It’s because the quarterback always has a short option if something long doesn’t develop.

Of course the elephant in the room is whether Jackson can stay healthy for long enough to take advantage of all the positive circumstances around him. Since coming into the league in 2004, Jackson has only played a full 16 once, his Pro Bowl year of 2006. Over the past two years, he’s missed four games each season (though he’s still gone over 1000 yards in each).

Will he be able to stay on the field for 300-plus carries this year?

Nobody knows.

But that goes for every other running back on your draft board, too.

So keep it your mind when you’re stacking your draft board. Fantasy championships aren’t won with high picks. They’re won with value–getting more than you paid for.

And if you by chance see Jackson on the board in the second round, know you’re getting yourself one hell of a value.

---

Just passed 21,000 reads on the all-time douche bags column. With the assistance of Pat Mauro (the radio host), I figured out the ridiculous read count was due to the column making it up on digg.com. The comments on that were pretty funny. One guy called me a dick for being insensitive to Mike Tyson. I thought that was funny.

The radio spot is scheduled for 12:25 pm central. Go to sportsbyline.com and click on the "Listen Live" icon in the middle right above the "Meet Our Hosts" header. No calls while I'm on thankfully. I don't know that I'm ready for that.

Top Ten Sports Douche Bags of All Time

2009-05-27T05:51:00.000-07:00

(If you want the pictures to go along with write-ups, go to Bleacher Report. Otherwise, here's the Top 10 Douche Bags - Hall of Fame Edition.)

A few weeks ago, I wrote a column called “Crowning A-Rod: The Ten Biggest Douche Bags in Sports.” The response was overwhelmingly positive, but, if there was one complaint, it was the fact I stuck to just active players.

Where was Pete Rose? Where was Ryan Leaf? Where were Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds and Albert Belle?

With so many douche bags left unrecognized, it was only right that I do a follow-up for the retired players.

But since these guys are retired, I figured I would go one step further and create the Douche Bag Hall of Fame, headquartered in St. Louis, Missouri (since we lost the Bowling Hall of Fame a few years ago).

The only requirements for enshrinement:

1. Must be former player or athlete (not opening this to coaches, officials, agents or Jay Mariotti just yet).

2. Must be out of active playing status for at least three years. I know that takes out some locks like Bonds and Clemens and Travis Henry, but just like the “real” Hall of Fames, we’ve got to let the achievements of these guys breathe a bit before we evaluate their careers.

With that as our preamble, our inaugural class includes ten members spanning four different sports and nearly a century of top-notch douchebaggery.

Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to introduce the Class of 2009 enshrines.

But first, some others who fell just short:

Mike Tyson: He was on the list and set to go, but it just seemed in bad taste after news broke that his four-year-old daughter was killed in a tragic accident involving a treadmill. So though Tyson certainly qualifies here, I’m holding off. Condolences, Mike.

Pete Rose: It’ll shock some people that Rose didn’t make the first class, but the totality of his career doesn’t warrant inclusion. If he had bet against his own team, that would be another matter. But how much can you kill a guy for betting on his own team? And though denying for it 15 years, only to come clean as part of a book tour, is certainly shady, it’s not all-time douche baggery. I’m open to reconsidering if the arguments are persuasive enough, though.

Bill Romanowski: He’s got the resume of cheap shots (breaking Kerry Collins’ jaw in a preseason game, crushing the eye socket of teammate Marcus Williams, firing the ball at Bryan Cox’ crotch) and admitted steroid use to qualify, but, for some reason, he just doesn’t fit the douche bag mold for me. I don’t know. It’s an instinct thing.

OJ Simpson: People found guilty of any connection to a murder in criminal or civil court are not eligible for the Douche Bag Hall of Fame. So though writing a first-person account of how he would have gone about the murders was certainly a douche bag thing to do, he’s as ineligible for this Hall as Rose is for the baseball Hall. Sometimes you just have to set standards.

Rae Carruth: See Simpson, OJ. Maybe I should write a “Worst People To Ever Play Sports” column.

Ulf Samuelsson: Dubbed Mr. Dirty, the mere mention of Samuelsson’s name is enough to make legions of hockey fans ready to drop the gloves and punch somebody in the face. But being dirty and hated by your opponents is not, in and of itself, enough to get you on this list. With Samuelsson, there’s nothing off-ice to make a determination on his character. Being a douche bag is about your whole life, not just the time you spend in the game.

Babe Ruth: You better believe it. It came down to Ruth vs. Ty Cobb for the old timer baseball spot, and Cobb got it because of the virulent racism (more on that in a bit). But Ruth was a douche bag, too. I mean, the guy injected himself with the extract from sheep balls, for Christ’s sake. Barry ain’t got nothing on the Babe.

Christian Laettner: Not only was Laettner really good, he had a mean streak (stomping on Kentucky’s Aminu Timberlake’s chest during the 1992 NCAA Tournament) and he loved to rub it in your face. That’s the trifecta of “I f------ hate that guy!”

Now for those who made it:

10. Albert Belle

Going after fans in the stands? Check.

Cheating? Check.

Trying to cover up the cheating? Check.

Cursing out Hannah Storm? Check.

Stalking a former prostitute with whom he had “business,” including obtaining her phone records and putting a GPS tracker on her car – while at the time being married? Check.

Plus I really loved this recap of Belle’s pleasant clubhouse demeanor from Buster Olney (from The Last Night of the Yankee Dynasty):

It was a taken in baseball circles that Albert Belle was nuts... The Indians billed him $10,000 a year for the damage he caused in clubhouses on the road and at home, and tolerated his behavior only because he was an awesome slugger... He slurped coffee constantly and seemed to be on a perpetual caffeinated frenzy. Few escaped his wrath: on some days he would destroy the postgame buffet...launching plates into the shower... after one poor at-bat against Boston, he retreated to the visitor's clubhouse and took a bat to teammate Kenny Lofton's boombox. Belle preferred to have the clubhouse cold, below 60 degrees, and when one chilly teammate turned up the heat, Belle walked over, turned down the thermostat, and smashed it with his bat. His nickname, thereafter, was "Mr. Freeze."

9. Tonya Harding

Oh yeah. Chicks can be douche bags, too. And there’s no better person than Harding to illustrate that point.

The crowning achievement of Harding’s career as a douche bag was of course the orchestration of the attack on Nancy Kerrigan during a practice session during the 1994 U.S. Figure Skating Championships in Detroit.

Now how it all really went down is still not entirely clear. Harding has always maintained that she didn’t know about the attack beforehand, and didn’t report it after the fact because she was threatened at gunpoint by ex-husband Jeff Gillooly.

Gillooly, a douche bag in his own right, said Harding approved the attack before it happened. He struck a plea bargain with prosecutors and testified against Harding, who then pled guilty to hindering the investigation of the attack. She received three years probation, 500 hours of community service and a $160,000 fine.

The United States Figure Skating Association banned her for life, concluding she knew about the attack before it happened and displayed “a clear disregard for fairness, good sportsmanship and ethical behavior.”

But oh there’s more:

* February, 2000: Harding was ordered by a Clark County judge to stay away from alcohol and her former boyfriend after being booked on fourth-degree Domestic Violence assault charges for punching him and throwing a hubcap at him.

* April, 2002: Harding was cited for drunk driving and a violation of her probation agreement from her 2000 conviction.

There’s more, but it’s hard to tell just how much is her being a douche bag and how much is the people around her being douche bags. Sometimes it’s tough to differentiate.

Let’s just say her bio has all the class of a horrible wedding night sex tape.

(Yeah. She did.)

(I do not recommend it.)

8. Ty Cobb

One of the most cantankerous players in the history of baseball, the stories of Cobb’s fierce demeanor and violent play on the field are legendary.

But it was this short story that got him on this particular list:

Cobb once slapped a black elevator operator for being ‘uppity.’ When a black night watchman intervened, Cobb pulled out a knife and stabbed him.

Not cool.

There’s also this story:

A grounds keeper by the name of "Bungy" clapped Ty on the back as if to say, good going. Cobb did not appreciate the familiar gesture from a black man, so he slapped him and chased him into the shed where the equipment was stored. When Bungy's wife came to his assistance, Cobb choked her.

And this one:

A black worker at the Hotel Pontchartrain in Detroit claimed that Cobb called her a "n-----". When she took offense at this slur, and said so, Cobb knocked her down, kicked her in the stomach, and knocked her down the stairs. She suffered a broken rib and was hospitalized for at least a month.

Now there are three mitigating factors here:

1. These stories are all from roughly 80 to 100 years ago. I can’t in any way for certain say that all the facts presented are 100 percent accurate. It’s just the best information I could find from what seemed like the most credible sources.

2. Cobb was a Georgia native born in 1886, just 21 years after the end of the Civil War. His feelings on race weren’t just normal; they were universal for the geography and the era. To single out one player to carry the burden of that entire era seems slightly unfair.

3. Cobb gave a lot of money to charity in later life, and that can’t be dismissed out of hand. And there are stories during his later playing days and his managing days of kindness and a giving nature. He also reportedly softened his feelings on African Americans, going so far as to speak in 1952 in favor of blacks in the Major Leagues (five years after Jackie Robinson’s debut, but still).

With all that said, the context does not excuse the action. Cobb was not just a racist, he was a violent racist who, if you got on his bad side, would unleash a torrent of fury your way that would scar you for life. (That went for white folks too, by the way.)

The guy was a douche bag. It may have been a different kind of douche bag than the modern-day variety, but the fact remains. He was a douche bag.

7. Diego Maradona

I wasn’t planning on going international with this, but Maradona warrants an exception as the perfect mathematical definition of what it is to be a douche bag.

Here, check it out:

Drug addict + Repeated fines for missing games and practices + Cheated on his wife + Fathered an illegitimate child he refused to acknowledge + Cheated the game + Blamed others for his problems + Fired a compressed-air rifle at reporters + Cheated on his taxes (so says Italy) + Has a tattoo of Fidel Castro + "I hate everything that comes from the United States. I hate it with all my strength." = Douche Bag

6. 1972 Miami Dolphins

As a Patriots fan, this one’s personal.

I’m not sure if Chiefs fans felt this way in 2003, or Colts fans in 2005, but when the Pats were going for the undefeated season in 2007, there was nothing more infuriating toward the end than listening to members of the 1972 Dolphins talk about themselves.

The worst of it came during the Monday Night game at Baltimore in Week 13. New England was 11-0 at the time, and, if you remember, the Ravens were giving them everything they could handle.

Then Don Shula cam into the booth as a “guest analyst,” a horrible practice I’m incredibly grateful has since been discontinued. And Shula, the coach of that 1972 Miami squad, was downright giddy when it looked like Baltimore was going to win that game.

Here’s what I wrote about it the day after:

“To heck with Don Shula. I understand rooting against the Pats in private, but getting all giddy about Kyle Boller in the MNF booth was low class all the way. There’s nothing graceful about publicly rooting for a great team to lose just so you can preserve your record. You didn’t see Hank Aaron in the ESPN booth rooting for Barry Bonds to strike out, did you?

“Everything great that was said about Aaron last summer needs to be said in the opposite about Shula and the ‘72 Dolphins.”

It’s one thing to want to keep a record, but this asinine tradition of popping a bottle of champagne when another team loses is douche baggery at its highest.

Screw those guys.

5. Deion Sanders

An absolutely amazing athlete who starred in track, football and baseball, Sanders took full advantage of his notoriety by creating such a large persona – Prime Time – that he’s probably known more today for his schtick than the fact he’s legitimately one of the greatest athletes to ever play in the NFL.

But that persona … man, what a douche bag.

* In his first game with San Francisco after leaving the Atlanta Falcons, Sanders intercepted a pass from quarterback Jeff George and proceeded to return it 93 yards while mockingly staring down the entire Falcons sideline before high-stepping into the end zone.

* He wrote a book called, “"Power, Money & Sex: How Success Almost Ruined My Life."

* He released a really bad rap CD called “Prime Time.” The main single was called "Must Be The Money."

* He named both a son and daughter after himself (Deion, Jr. and Deiondra).

* There’s the story of how Sanders, playing for Columbus in the minor leagues, was upset over a story written by ESPN Buster Olney, then with the Nashville Banner covering the Nashville Sound. Olney wrote on how Sanders was holding himself above the team by traveling with his girlfriend, not carrying his own luggage and drawing a dollar sign in the dirt every time he came up to bat. (sooooooo douche bag)

In a game after the article ran, Sanders had a batboy deliver an old ratty baseball to Olney in the press box. The inscription: “Keep writing like that your whole life and you’ll always be a loser.”

* And then there are these marvelous take-outs from Jeff Pearlman’s “Boys Will Be Boys: The Glory Days and Party Nights of the Dallas Cowboys Dynasty”:

“Sanders was sleeping-dog lazy. In practices, he went all-out every third or fourth play and refused to wear shoulder pads because, he would say, "I'm not gonna tackle anyone anyway." In meeting rooms, he was known to doodle and doze off. Told early on that Cowboys who refused to participate in the team's weight training regimen would be fined, Sanders dramatically whipped out his checkbook and jotted down a five-digit figure.”

…

“ ‘I still remember Deion's first team meeting,’ says Clayton Holmes, the veteran cornerback. ‘We were so fundamental about film. The way we studied it was critical. Well, Deion comes in, puts his feet up on a table and doesn't even watch.’ When Dave Campo, the Cowboys new defensive coordinator, asked the $35 million man to break down a play, Sanders let out a sly laugh. ‘Hey, Coach,’ he said, pointing toward the screen, ‘I got that dude right there. Wherever he goes I go. All that Cover Two stuff you're talking about -- y'all work that out.’

Add all that to the incessant self promotion and talking about himself in the third person, and you’ve got one of the all-time greatest … douche bags.

4. Ricky Henderson

Ricky was an incredible player, and, though eccentric is probably too kind a description, I wouldn’t have put him on this list a year ago.

But the following passage from Buzz Bissinger’s 3 Nights in August changed my mind:

“Henderson became convinced that (Jose) Canseco was getting preferential treatment and watched obsessively for evidence. By 1992, Henderson made sure that Canseco got nothing over him, including the disabled list. When Canseco went, Henderson went. If Canseco said he couldn’t play for a couple of days, Henderson said he couldn’t play for a couple of days. As the manager (Tony) La Russa could insist that Henderson play if there was no apparent injury. But what good would that do? When Henderson said he couldn’t go and La Russa put him in anyway, he’d simply stand in the outfield ‘like a cigar store Indian. Balls would bounce here, bounce there, all around him.’

“La Russa established a rule: When Henderson felt he couldn’t play, he had to tell him directly instead of relaying it through the trainers, as players usually did. That way, at the least, La Russa and Henderson could discuss why he couldn’t play. The system worked well; Henderson opted out only a few times, until one game against Baltimore around the All-Star break in 1993. The A’s were trying to stay in the divisional race, and there were rumors that Henderson might be traded for a pitcher.

“‘I can’t go today,’ he told La Russa.

“‘What do you mean you can’t go?’

“‘I’m telling you, Tony. If I tell you I can’t go, I can’t go.’

“‘Ricky …’

“‘Ricky’s head’s not right.’

“‘What do you mean your head’s not right?’

“‘I hear I’m being traded. So my head’s not right. I can’t go.’”

Hall of Fame leadoff hitter.

Hall of Fame base stealer.

Hall of Fame douche bag.

3. John Rocker

In 1999, John Rocker gave an interview with Sports Illustrated. It was so bad, so vile, so filled with ignorance and hate, that, if I were teaching a college course called How To Be A Douche Bag 101, this would be required reading. It’s an absolute masterpiece of douchery.

On the possibility of ever playing in New York: “Imagine having to take the 7 Train to the ballpark looking like you're riding through Beirut next to some kid with purple hair, next to some queer with AIDS, right next to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time, right next to some 20-year-old mom with four kids. It's depressing... The biggest thing I don't like about New York are the foreigners. You can walk an entire block in Times Square and not hear anybody speaking English. Asians and Koreans and Vietnamese and Indians and Russians and Spanish people and everything up there. How the hell did they get in this country?”

On traffic in Atlanta: "So many dumb asses don't know how to drive in this town," he says. "They turn from the wrong lane. They go 20 miles per hour. It makes me want -- Look! Look at this idiot! I guarantee you she's a Japanese woman."

On Mets fans: "Nowhere else in the country do people spit at you, throw bottles at you, throw quarters at you, throw batteries at you and say, 'Hey, I did your mother last night -- she's a whore.' I talked about what degenerates they were, and they proved me right. Just by saying something, I could make them mad enough to go home and slap their moms."

On a game-losing hit he gave up to John Olerud in Game 4 of the 1999 NLCS that edged past the glove of back-up Ozzie Guillen, who was in for starter Walt Weiss: “If Walt is playing shortstop instead of Ozzie, that's not a hit, and we win," says Rocker. "But we had a 38-year-old guy [actually 35] playing shortstop, and he can't make that kind of play."

On throwing the ball as hard as he could at a net that separated fans from the field. “If there wasn't a net there, it would have smoked 'em right in the face. …But they're so stupid, they jumped back like the ball would hit 'em.”

Really, you should probably just read the article. But just in case you don’t have time, here’s the first paragraph:

“A minivan is rolling slowly down Atlanta's Route 400, and John Rocker, driving directly behind it in his blue Chevy Tahoe, is pissed. "Stupid b----! Learn to f------ drive!" he yells. Rocker honks his horn. Once. Twice. He swerves a lane to the left. There is a toll booth with a tariff of 50 cents. Rocker tosses in two quarters. The gate doesn't rise. He tosses in another quarter. The gate still doesn't rise. From behind, a horn blasts. "F--- you!" Rocker yells, flashing his left middle finger out the window. Finally, after Rocker has thrown in two dimes and a nickel, the gate rises. Rocker brings up a thick wad of phlegm. Puuuh! He spits at the machine. "Hate this damn toll."

2. Ryan Leaf

There’s almost too much evidence I don’t know how to encapsulate it in just a few hundred words.

Let’s see ..

After being drafted second overall behind Peyton Manning in 1998, Leaf boldly declared, "I'm looking forward to a 15 year career, a couple of trips to the Super Bowl, and a parade through downtown San Diego."

Then Leaf skipped the mandatory rookie symposium.

Then, as a rookie, he gave us one of the all-time on-camera meltdowns by screaming at a San Diego Union Tribune reporter, "Just f------ don't talk to me, all right! Knock it off!" and had to be physically restrained by teammate Junior Seau.

Then he had to be restrained and escorted off the field after getting into it with a heckling fan – in practice.

Then a shouting match with Chargers GM Bobby Beathard over his rehabilitation from a shoulder injury resulted in a suspension, during which he was filmed playing flag football – not only a violation of his contract, but also not very bright for a guy with a shoulder injury.

Then there’s the reputation for being a bad drunk, a giant red flag of douchiness. Alcohol has a way of stripping away the mask. For most people, going too deep into the bottle is an open invitation to their true personalities to come out. For Leaf, it appears that’s being an incredible douche bag nobody wants to be around.

(Aside from all the other public stories, and there are plenty, a buddy of mine who is from Leaf’s home state of Montana has experienced the marvel of Drunk Leaf in person. His word choice was a bit stronger than douche bag, but we’ll stick with that for the purpose of this column. This buddy of mine is a cop. He knows his douche bags.)

To finish it off with a tribute to Jeff Foxworthy …

When Rodney Harrison says having you as his quarterback was the biggest challenge of his career, you’re a douche bag (and a really bad quarterback).

When you get into a fight with the clerk at the race track betting window because they asked for your social security number to collect your winnings, you’re a douche bag.

When you’re a college football coach and you’re allegedly trying to score pills off one of your players, you’re a douche bag.

And when you get charged with “one count of burglary to a habitation, seven counts of obtaining a controlled substance by fraud and one count of delivery of a simulated controlled substance,” as Leaf was last week, that’s also a pretty good indication that you’re a douche bag.

A terrible quarterback, a bad teammate, a horrible employee, an untrustworthy coach, a belligerent drunk: That, my friends, is a Hall of Fame douche bag.

1. Jose Canseco

Jose will never make the MLB Hall of Fame, but you can be damned sure he’s making the Douche Bag Hall of Fame.

Forget the steroids thing for a moment. We know he cheated. We know he lied. We know he became the biggest rat in the history of baseball when he wrote his first book (though that, in the end, will be the single best thing he ever did).

I think this particular passage from Bissinger’s book really captures the essence that is Jose Canseco:

“(La Russa) was aware of Jose Canseco, the most talented player he has ever managed, sitting with teammates around a hotel pool in Texas in 1990, complaining about the rigors of the baseball season. The A’s had been to the World Series the last two years and had clinched the division the night before, but Canseco admitted to a certain ambivalence. ‘Why is it always us that has to go to the playoffs?’ he asked without irony.”

There was also this exchange between La Russa and Canseco, after La Russa had enough of Canseco dogging it on the field:

“What the hell are you doing? You’re not playing the game. That is not how we play.”

“Tony, people would rather watch me take three big swings and try to hit the ball into the upper deck and strike out than shorten up with two strikes and try to play the game.”

“You’re kidding me?”

“No, I’m serious.”

“You’re serious, but you’re wrong. You’re a baseball player.”

“I’m a performer.”

And, if for some reason the cheating and the snitching and the complete disrespect for the game and the allegations of domestic violence doesn’t convince you of Jose’s status as one of sports’ biggest douche bags of all time, there’s the picture above.

Net shirts = douche bag.

Always.

NFL Upward Mobility

2009-05-21T06:18:00.000-07:00

As a sidebar to my B/R column Hope For the Downtrodden: Upward Mobility in the NFL, here is the list of teams that improved by six or more wins year-over-year in the history of the NFL and AFL.

Remember this only includes consecutive seasons where the team played the same number of games. So the 1924 Chicago Cardinals improved from five wins in 1924 to 11 in 1925, but the fact they went from playing 10 games to 13 skews the result.

Also, the 1988 Bengals improved their win total by eight, from four in 1987 to 12 in 1988. The only problem with making a comparison with the others is that the NFL schedule was only 15 games in 1987 as a result of a 24-day players' strike reduced the 16-game season to 15. Week 3 was canceled, and Weeks 4 through 6 were played with replacement players. To me, that makes it incomparable to the rest of the margins of improvement. So any team for which the jump involved 1987 was also excluded.

Here's the list. Enjoy. I put in some trivia facts throughout.

The Cardinals (then in St. Louis) went from 4-9-1 in 1973 (Don Coryell’s first year as an NFL head coach) to 10-4 in 1974.

1980 Falcons under Leeman Bennett, in his fourth year at the helm (it was his first NFL HC job), the Falcons improved from 6-10 to 12-4. They lost their first playoff game.

1998 Falcons went from 7-9 the year before to 14-2 in the second year of Dan Reeves’ tenure. They made it to the Super Bowl before losing to Reeves’ old team, the Denver Broncos. They were 5-11 the next year and 4-12 the year after that.

The 2004 Falcons jumped by six wins in the first year of Jim L. Mora’s head coaching career, from 5-11 under Dan Reeves and Wade Phillips in 2003 to 11-5 and a trip to the NFC Championship Game in 2004. 2003 was marked by the injury to Mike Vick. Atlanta was 3-1 when Vick went down.

The 2008 Falcons improved by seven wins in the first year of Mike Smith’s tenure, from 4-12 in 2007 (Vick implosion, Petrino quitting) to 11-5 in Smith’s first season with rookie quarterback Matt Ryan.

The 2006 Ravens improved from 6-10 in 2005 to 13-3 in 2006, both under Brian Billick, primarily because they replaced Kyle Boller at QB with Steve McNair.

The 2008 Ravens improved to 11-5 in 2008 from 5-11 in 2007. 2008 was Harbaugh’s first year as an NFL head coach, taking over for Brian Billick. Harbaugh did it with a rookie quarterback in Joe Flacco.

Coming off a disastrous 1-15 record under George Seifert in 2001, the Panthers improved to 7-9 in 2002 under first-year head coach John Fox. In 2003, with Jake Delhomme a first-time regular starter, the Panthers went 11-5 and advanced to the Super Bowl.

The 1981 Bengals improved from 6-10 in 1980 to 12-4 in 1981 under Forrest Gregg. They advanced to the Super Bowl before losing to the San Francisco 49ers.

In 2003, first-time head coach Marvin Lewis improved a team that had gone 2014 under Dick LeBeau in 2002 to an even 8-8 in 2003.

In 1976, Forrest Gregg improved the Cleveland Browns from 3-11 to 9-5.

In Romeo Crennel’s third year in Cleveland, the team improved from 4-12 in 2006 to 10-6 in 2007. They missed out on the playoffs, though, and then went right back to 4-12 in 2008. Crennel was subsequently fired.

In 1990, thanks in part to the arrival of Emmitt Smith and the development of second-year quarterback Troy Aikman, the Dallas Cowboys rebounded from 1-15 in 1989 to 7-9 in 1990.

In 1991, the Denver Broncos improved from 5-11 the previous year to 12-4 behind MVP Thurman Thomas. They advanced to the 1991 AFC Championship Game.

In 1931, a first-time NFL HC by the name of Potsy Clark improved the Portsmouth Spartans (later to become the Detroit Lions) from 5-6-3 to 11-3. The 1931 Spartans, with just 16 players on their roster, one of them future Hall of Famer Dutch Clark, shut out six of their 14 opponents and only allowed three teams into double-digits.

Thanks in part to the addition of rookie running back Billy Sims in 1956, the Lions improved from 3-9 in 1955 to 9-3 the next season. Buddy Parker was the coach both years.

Curly Lambeau’s Packers improved from 6-4-3 to 12-0-1 between 1928 and 1929. The Packers also improved by six wins in Vince Lomardi’s first year, from 1-10-1 under Ray McLean in 1958 to 7-5 in 1959, then again from 4-8-2 in 1971 to 10-4 in 1972 (both under Dan Devine), then again from 4-12 in 1988 to 10-6 in 1989 (both under Lindy Infante).

As a first-time coach in 1975, Ted Marchibroda took a 2-12 team the year before and made them into a 10-4 squad that won nine games in a row to finish off the regular season before falling to the Steel Curtain in the Division Round. Marchibroda oversaw another eight-game bump between 1991 (1-15 under Ron Meyer/Rick Venturi) and 1992 (9-7 in Marchibroda’s first season back on the sideline in 15 years).

And those still weren’t the biggest turnarounds in franchise history. In 1999, Jim Mora took a 3-13 Indianapolis team the previous year (Peyton Manning’s rookie season) and turned the record around to 13-3. Before giving Manning all the credit, remember also that 1999 was also Edgerrin James’ rookie season. James won the rushing title, the scoring title, was named the Rookie of the Year and AP All-Pro, and made the Pro-Bowl.

In Don Shula’s first year in Miami, he took a team that had gone 3-10-1 under George Wilson in 1969 (last year in the AFL) and turned them into a 10-4 playoff team in 1970.

In 2008, coming off a league-worst 1-15 season, Tony Sparano took over the Miami Dolphins. With a new quarterback in Chad Pennington and new offense under coordinator Dan Henning, Miami improved by 10 victories to 11-5 and went into the playoffs as AFC East champions.

Thanks in large part to an offense featuring Rookie of the Year Randy Moss, future Hall of Famer Cris Carter (it’ll happen some day), Pro Bowl RB Robert Smith and resurgent quarterback Randall Cunningham, Dennis Green turned what had been a decent 9-7 team in 1997 to a dominant 15-1 juggernaut in 1998. It’s possible the 1998 team was the greatest to fall short of the Super Bowl. If not, they’re certainly in the conversation.

In 1976, Chuck Fairbanks took a team that had finished 3-11 the year prior and led them to a then-franchise-best 11-3 record. Somehow, the Patriots were second in the NFL that year in total scoring (26.9 ppg) despite Steve Grogan having a minus-two TD-INT differential (18 TD, 20 INT) and just a 48 percent completion rate. Their leading rusher was Sam Cunningham with 824 yards and leading receiver was running back Andy Johnson with 29 catches.

One interesting trivia note on those 1976 Pats: Steve Grogan rushed for 12 touchdowns that season, the all-time mark for quarterbacks in the modern era (read: no H-backs; Spec Sanders had 18 for the 1947 New York Yankees, but he rushed it 231 times for 1432 yards; Grogan had 60 rush attempts in 1976).

In a more recent example Patriots fans will remember a bit better, Bill Belichick went just 5-11 in his first season in New England in 2000. The next year, with a kid QB named Tom Brady taking over in the second game, New England finished the regular season 11-5 and ended up winning the first Super Bowl in franchise history.

In 2000, taking over from the failed and embarrassing Mike Ditka administration, first-time head coach Jim Haslett took a 3-13 Saints team and led them to a 10-6 record and eventually the first playoff win in franchise history.

The next time the Saints had a first-year head coach, it was Sean Payton taking over for Haslett in 2006. Like Haslett, Payton took over a 3-13 squad and took them to 10-6 and back to the playoffs, their first since 2000. And like Haslett, Payton won his first game. And like Haslett, he went 7-9 the next season. Weird.

From 1966 to 1967, Allie Sherman found a way to turn a 1-12-1 New York Giants squad into a semi-decent 7-7 team the following year. The key: The acquisition of Fran Tarkenton from the Minnesota Vikings. I’m not sure how many people know it (because I didn’t), but Tarkenton played his first six years in Minnesota, then went to New York for five years (four of them Pro Bowl seasons), then played for the Vikings for another seven years.

And just because I had to know:

In return for sending Tarkenton to New York in 1967, the Giants gave up two first-and two second-round draft choices; the players obtained with those choices were Clinton Jones, Bob Grim, Ron Yary and Ed White, all of whom became key starters for the Vikings.

To get Tarkenton back from the Giants in 1972, the Vikings gave up Grim, by then an All-Pro wide receiver, Norm Snead, a peripatetic* quarterback who languished on the bench for most of 1971, Vince Clements, a rookie running back who sat out the season after a knee operation, and two draft choices—their No. 1 (in 1972) and No. 2 in 1973. As much as I want to know, there’s no real way of telling who the Giants took with those picks. I can guess, but that’s all it would be.

* I’m pulling from a 1972 Sports Illustrated column there. I guess they used words like peripatetic back then.

In Bill Parcells’ first year in Gotham (1983), the Giants went just 3-12-1. The next season, Phil Simms was back as the starting quarterback, the Giants drafted linebackers Carl Banks and Gary Reasons to join Lawrence Taylor. The Giants improved by six wins to 9-7 and back into the playoffs.

In 1981, the New York Jets improved from 4-12 to 10-5-1 under Walt Michaels.

In 1997, with Bill Parcells taking over the top job, the Jets improved from 1-15 to 9-7, though they still fell short of the playoffs.

In 2006, first-time head coach Eric Mangini took a Jets team that had finished 4-12 under Herm Edwards the year prior and helped them finish 10-6 and in the playoffs.

In 1963, a first-year head coach by the name of Al Davis took over the Oakland Raiders (then still in the AFL) and transformed a 1-13 mess under Bill Conkright and Marty Feldman the year before into a 10-4 team in his first year. They finished second in the AFL West division to the Chargers, so there wasn’t any post-season for Davis in year one. It wouldn’t be until 1967, in the franchise’s eighth year, that the Raiders would finally see the post-season.

In Andy Reid’s second season in Philadelphia, he went from 5-11 in 1999 to 11-5 in 2000. The key was the ascendancy of second-year quarterback Donovan McNabb into the full-time QB role. 2000 was the first of five consecutive playoff appearances for the Eagles, and the Wild Card win over Tampa Bay was the franchise’s first post-season victory since 1995 in the first year of the Ray Rhodes era.

In 1942, the Steelers had their first winning season in franchise history, improving from 1-9-1 in 1941 to 7-4 in 1942 behind future Hall of Famer Bill Dudley's league-leading 696 yards rushing.

Something I didn’t know:

After the 1940 season, Art Rooney sold the Steelers to Alexis Thompson and bought a 50% stake in the Philadelphia Eagles from owner Bert Bell. After Rooney got homesick and Thompson wanted to be closer to his East Coast business interests, the Bell/Rooney Eagles and the Thompson Steelers swapped franchise territory. Bell/Rooney's Eagles' corporate organization, including most of the players, moved to Pittsburgh and Thompson's Steelers moved to Philadelphia, leaving only the team nicknames in their original cities. (In fact, the "new" Steelers' corporate name remained "Philadelphia Football Club, Inc." until 1945.) Since NFL franchises are territorial rights distinct from individual corporate entities, the NFL does not consider this a franchise move and considers the current Pittsburgh Steelers as a single unbroken entity from 1933.[1] Rooney regained majority control in the Steelers in 1946, when Bert Bell sold his interest in the team upon becoming the NFL Commissioner. Art Rooney emerged with 58% of the club, while Rooney's brother-in-law, Barney McGinley, became a 42% owner. The Rooney family has since purchased half of the McGinley shares.

In 2004, with the addition of rookie quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, the Pittsburgh Steelers improved from 6-10 to 15-1 and made the AFC Championship Game.

In 1963, Sid Gillman’s Chargers, in the AFL, improved from 4-10 to 11-3. 1963 was the breakout year for future Hall of Fame WR Lance Alworth. He was named to the Pro Bowl that year, and would be for the next six years straight.

The Chargers also improved by seven wins from 1991 to 1992 with Bobby Ross, in his first NFL head coaching job, taking over for Dan Henning, in his last NFL head coaching job. The Chargers improved from 4-12 to 11-5 and made the playoffs for the first time since 1982.

In 2004, Marty Schottenheimer improved his Chargers by eight games, from 4-12 to 12-4, the franchise’s best record since 1979. Part of the reason was an absolutely loaded 2004 draft class: Igor Olshansky, Nate Kaeding, Nick Hardwick, Shaun Phillips, Michael Turner and Shane Olivea. And that’s not even including Philip Rivers, who the Chargers got for Eli Manning, who they selected first overall and then traded to the Giants.

In 1970, Dick Nolan improved his 49ers 10-3-1 from 4-8-2 the previous year. The 49ers made the playoffs for the first time since 1957. They won the Super Bowl over Cincinnati. Two years later (after the 1982 work stoppage), the 49ers began a 16-year streak of double-digit wins.

In 1981, now in Bill Walsh’s third season with the franchise, the 49ers rode third-year QB Joe Montana to a seven-game jump, from 6-10 in 1980 to 13-3 in 1981.

In 2000, San Francisco’s Steve Mariucci rebounded from a 6-10 record the year before to finish 12-4.

In 1973, first-year head coach Chuck Knox took over a Los Angeles Rams team that had finished 6-7-1 under Tommy Prothro the year before. Thanks to Pro Bowl seasons from QB John Hadl, RB Lawrence McCutcheon, FB Jim Bertelsen and WR Harold Jackson, the Rams finished 12-2 in 1973 and began an eight-year playoffs streak.

Riding breakout MVP Kurt Warner at quarterback and new Ram Marshall Faulk at running back, St. Louis, which went just 4-12 in 1998, burst into NFL history by scoring 526 points in 1999. They would go on to win the Super Bowl as the only team to go from under xx wins the year prior to NFL Champion the next year.

In 2005, Jon Gruden flipped the script on the Buccaneers, turning a 5-11 team to an 11-5 squad. That was the rookie year for Cadillac Williams (1178 yards, 6 TD). Joe Galloway had his first 1000-yard season since 1998 and Chris Simms got his only shot at bring a semi-full-time starter (though he was just 604 in relief of Brian Griese, who was 5-1 when he was lost for the season).

In 1967, the Houston Oilers, still in the AFL, jettisoned 39-year old George Blanda in favor of Pete Beathard, who came over from Kansas City and went 7-2 as the Oilers finished 9-4-1 (from 3-11 in 1966). Blanda would leave for Oakland after that season and was never a full-time QB again (he lasted another nine years as a kicker).

The Oilers also improved by six wins from 1973 (1-13) to 1974 (7-7)

Finally, an extinct franchise in the mix:

In 1949, the New York Bulldogs went 1-10-1 under Charley Ewart (with Bobby Lane at QB no less). The next year, the franchise became the New York Yanks (not to be confused with the New York Yankees) and went 7-5. The next year, they were back at 1-9-2.

Stuff about NFL Coaching Staffs

2009-05-18T05:37:00.000-07:00

As part of the CBS contest, I ran a profile on the St. Louis coaching staff (actually, just Steve Spagnuolo, Pat Shurmur and Ken Flajole). Here it be.

Some stuff that didn't get in:

Of the top 20 coaches all time in wins, 14 were assistants in the NFL before embarking on their head coaching careers.

Don Shula, the winningest coach of all time with 328 career victories with the Baltimore Colts and Miami Dolphins, was the defensive coordinator in Detroit from 1960 to 1962.

Before embarking on a legendary career with the Cowboys, the great Tom Landry was defensive coordinator for the Giants from 1954 to 1959.

Chuck Noll, Bill Parcells, Mike Holmgren, Joe Gibbs, Bill Cowher, Mike Shanahan, Marv Levy, Tony Dungy and Bill Belichick were all assistants at some point.

(Those who weren’t: George Halas, Curly Lambeau, Paul Brown, Bud Grant, Steve Owen and Hank Stram.)

---

The guys who are gone from last year, with career records:

Mike Holmgren: 161-111
Mike Shanahan: 146-98
Tony Dungy: 139-69
Jon Gruden: 95-81
Herman Edwards: 54-74
Jim Haslett: 47-61 (going to coach in the United Football League)
Romeo Crennel: 24-40
Mike Nolan: 18-37 (now the DC in Denver)
Scott Linehan: 11-25 (now the OC in Detroit)
Lane Kiffin: 5-15 (now the head coach at the University of Tennessee)

The career records of active head coaches:

Bill Belichick: 138-68
Jeff Fisher: 128-102
Tom Coughlin: 115-93
Andy Reid: 97-62-1
Norv Turner: 77-95-1
Wade Phillips: 70-49
John Fox: 63-49
Dick Jauron: 57-76
Jack Del Rio: 50-46
Marvin Lewis: 46-49-1
Lovie Smith: 45-35
Mike McCarthy: 27-21
Jim Mora: 26-22
Sean Payton: 25-23
Brad Childress: 24-24
Eric Mangini: 23-25
Mike Tomlin: 22-10
Gary Kubiak: 22-26
Ken Whisenhunt: 17-15
Tony Sparano: 11-5
Mike Smith: 11-5
John Harbaugh: 11-5
Rod Marinelli: 10-38
Jim Zorn: 8-8
Mike Singletary: 5-4
Tom Cable: 4-8
Steve Spagnuolo: 0-0
Josh McDaniels: 0-0
Rex Ryan: 0-0
Jim Schwartz: 0-0
Raheem Morris: 0-0
Jim Caldwell: 0-0
Todd Haley: 0-0

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Of the new guys this year, Spagnuolo has hired two coordinators who have never held that position before: Former Eagles QB coach Pat Shurmur on offense and former Panthers LB coach Ken Flajole on defense.

Among the league’s current coaches, four others began their tenures as first-time head coaches with first-time coordinators: Mike McCarthy in Green Bay, Brad Childress in Minnesota, Sean Payton in New Orleans and Lovie Smith in Chicago.

Each of those guys made it to double-digit wins and the playoffs within three years:

Green Bay from 4-12 in 2005 to 8-8 in 2006 to 13-3 in 2007

Minnesota from 9-7 in 2005 to 6-10 in 2006 to 8-8 in 2007 to 10-6 in 2008

New Orleans from 3-13 in 2005 to 10-6 in 2006

Chicago from 7-9 in 2003 to 5-11 in 2004 to 11-5 in 2005

---

New defensive coordinators this year:

Kansas City: Clancy Pendergast
Indianapolis: Larry Coyer
Jacksonville: Mel Tucker
Green Bay: Dom Capers
Detroit: Gunther Cunningham
Tampa Bay: Jim Bates
Carolina: Ron Meeks
Denver: Mike Nolan
New Orleans: Gregg Williams
Cleveland: Rob Ryan
Oakland: John Marshall
Arizona: Billy Davis
San Francisco: Greg Manusky (first-time NFL coordinator)
Tennessee: Chuck Cecil (first-time NFL coordinator)
NY Giants: Bill Sheridan (first-time NFL coordinator)
Baltimore: Greg Mattison (first-time NFL coordinator)
Seattle: Gus Bradley (first-time NFL coordinator)
St. Louis: Ken Flajole (first-time NFL coordinator)
NY Jets: Mike Pettine (first-time NFL coordinator)
Houston: Frank Bush (first-time NFL coordinator)

---

New offensive coordinators this year:

San Francisco: Jimmy Raye
Indianapolis: Clyde Christensen
Seattle: Greg Knapp
Detroit: Scott Linehan
Tampa Bay: Jeff Jagodzinski
St. Louis: Pat Schurmer (First-time coordiniator)
Denver: Mike McCoy (First-time coordiniator)
New Orleans: Pete Carmichael, Jr (First-time coordiniator)
Cleveland: Brian Daboll (First-time coordiniator)

---

No Tony Dungy. No Tom Moore. No Howard Mudd. No Ron Meeks.

I think the Colts are screwed.

---

I'm working on the next installment of the Top 10 Douche Bags series. It's for retired athletes only. I'm pretty sure I've got my top 10 finalized, but any suggestions?

Seth on the Radio

2009-05-14T21:55:00.001-07:00

Link is only good for a week, so get it while you can. (If you don't get it in time, I can e-mail you the file. Or maybe I'll figure out how to share online. Maybe it's best to just get it now.)

https://rcpt.yousendit.com/687891700/9af403152fe3c54c68ce46366b3ba4ba

And for those of you wondering what the hell we're talking about in th clip, here is the link to the original column: http://bleacherreport.com/articles/168114-crowning-a-rod-the-ten-biggest-douche-bags-in-sports

NFL Stupid Money

2009-05-14T05:52:00.000-07:00

I was doing some research on the NFL All-Unemployed Team and I wanted to get a rough figure on how much had been spent on free agents and contracts this offseason.

Try upward of $1.5 billion.

And that's just the guys who got $10 million or more. Factor in everybody else, and you have to be adding at least another $200 million or so.

The lucky list of 62:

Albert Haynesworth, Washington ($100 million)
Jason Peters, Philadelphia ($60 million)
DeAngelo Hall, Washington ($55 million)
James Harrison, Pittsburgh ($51.175 million)
Bart Scott, NY Jets ($48 million)
Nnamdi Asomugha, Oakland ($45.3 million)
Kelvin Hayden, Indianapolis ($43 million)
Chris Canty, NY Giants ($42 million)
Vernon Carey, Miami ($42 million)
T.J. Houshmandzadeh, Seattle ($40 million)
Stacy Andrews, Philadelphia ($40 million)
Jason Brown, St. Louis ($37.5 million)
Kellen Winslow, Tampa Bay ($36.1 million)
LeRoy Hill, Seattle ($36 million)
Antonio Smith, Houston ($35.5 million)
Jonathan Vilma, New Orleans ($34 million)
Maurice Jones-Drew, Jacksonville ($31 million)
Lito Sheppard, NY Jets ($30.2 million)
Jake Grove, Miami ($29.5 million)
Cedric Griffin, Minnesota ($28.5 million)
Marcus Stroud, Buffalo ($28 million)
Gibril Wilson, Miami ($27.5 million)
Laveranues Coles, Cincinnati ($27.5 million)
Domonique Foxworth, Baltimore ($27.2 million)
Derrick Dockery, Washington ($26.5 million)
Michael Boley, NY Giants ($25 million)
Brandon Jacobs, NY Giants ($25 million)
Ronald Bartell, St. Louis ($25 million)
Michael Clayton, Tampa Bay ($24 million)
Kurt Warner, Arizona ($23 million)
Jon Stinchcomb, New Orleans ($22.5 million)
Hines Ward, Pittsburgh ($22 million)
Ray Lewis, Baltimore ($22 million)
Jabari Greer, New Orleans ($22 million)
Colin Cole, Seattle ($21.4 million)
Joselio Hanson, Philadelphia($21 million)
Andre' Goodman, Buffalo ($20.4 million)
Chris Kemoeatu, Pittsburgh ($20 million)
Yeremiah Bell, Miami ($20 million)
Igor Olshansky, Dallas ($18 million)
LaDainian Tomlinson, San Diego ($17.875 million)
Brian Dawkins, Denver ($17 million)
Derrick Ward, Tampa Bay ($17 million)
Brandon Moore, NY Giants ($16 million)
Shane Lechler, Oakland ($16 million)
Chris Johnson, Oakland ($15.4 million)
Orlando Pace, Chicago ($15 million)
Stephen Peterman, Detroit ($15 million)
Chris Baker, New England ($14.4 million)
James Butler, St. Louis ($14 million)
Matt Cassel, Kansas City ($14 million)*
Jeff Saturday, Indianapolis ($13.3 million)
Torry Holt, Jacksonville ($13 million)
Matt Birk, Baltimore ($12 million)
Devery Henderson, New Orleans ($12 million)
Eugene Wilson, Houston ($11.3 million)
Jabar Gaffney, Denver ($10 million)
Correll Buckhalter, Denver ($10 million)
JJ Arrington, Denver ($10 million)
Renaldo Hill, Denver ($10 million)
Samari Rolle, Baltimore ($10 million)
Brad Meester, Jacksonville ($10 million)

(* Only includes the franchise tender of $14 million for Chiefs quarterback Matt Cassel. Reports have surfaced that Cassel has agreed in principal to a new six-year deal that will include $36 million guaranteed, but the Chiefs have denied that a final agreement has been reached.)

(Does not include Javon Walker’s $16.4 million deal, which was just a restructure – read: pay cut - of the $55 million deal he got last offseason.)

St. Louis Surprise: Rams' Receivers Are Better Than You Think

2009-05-13T05:18:00.000-07:00

In releasing Torry Holt on March 13, St. Louis cast aside not only the face of the franchise, but a seven-time Pro Bowler with 869 career receptions for 12,660 yards and 74 touchdowns.

And that was just the headliner on the decimation of last year’s receiving corps. Also gone from last year are Drew Bennett, Dante Hall and Dane Looker.

In their absence, the Rams now have the following receivers on the roster: Donnie Avery, Travis Brown, Keenan Burton, Jarrett Byers, Brooks Foster, Horace Gant, Nate Jones, Chad Lucas, Laurent Robinson and Derek Stanley.

Who?

Let’s take a run down the career stats of these distinguished gentlemen (size and 40 times as measured at NFL Combine or player’s school pro day):

(The fact I’m using college highlights and combine measurement gives you an indication of how light the NFL resumes is on these guys.)

Avery: The first wide receiver selected in the 2008 NFL Draft was one of four rookies last year to finish with 50 or more receptions and 500 or more receiving yards. Rookie totals: 15 games with 12 starts, 53 receptions for 674 yards and three touchdowns; 10 rush attempts for 69 yards and a touchdown; Put up 163 yards on six catches at New England, including a 69-yard touchdown; Caught nine balls for 93 yards at San Francisco; Runs a 4.34 40

Brown: Second year out of New Mexico; Undrafted out of college; Bounced from Seattle to Cincinnati to Chicago before signing with the Rams; No career stats in the NFL; three-year starter at UNM who was First-Team All-Mountain West as a junior and senior; Good size at 6-2, 202 lb, though not great speed with a 4.49 40

Burton: Drafted in the fourth round of the 2008 NFL Draft; Rookie totals: 13 games with one start, 13 receptions for 172 yards and one touchdown; Three rush attempts for eight yards; During final two years at Kentucky, totaled 143 receptions for 1777 yards and 21 touchdowns; At combine, finished first in the vertical jump (38.5) and ran a 4.44 40

Byers: Undrafted rookie out of Northeastern State University in Oklahoma (Division II); Selected by the Football Gazette as an All-American return specialist; Finished with school records for receptions in a career (165), receiving yards in a career (2,545) and touchdowns in a career (28); Returned two kick-offs for touchdowns in 2008. Ran a 4.45 40 at the NSU pro day

Foster: Drafted in the fifth round out of North Carolina in the 2009 NFL Draft; Never the primary guy at UNC behind Hakeem Nicks and Brandon Tate; Totaled 59 catches for 751 yards and four touchdowns his final two years on campus; A strong possession-type receiver who holds the school wide receiver record in the bench press (405 lbs); Underwent arthroscopic surgery on his right knee after North Carolina's regular season finale and was forced out of Senior Bowl practices early with knee soreness

Gant: Undrafted in 2008 out of St. Olaf college; Member of the Washington Redskins practice squad in 2008; no NFL stats; Three-time all Minnesota Intercollegiate Athletic Conference; Third team Division III All American as a senior; Holds school career records for receptions (185), receiving yards (3,061) and receiving touchdowns (27); Big at 6-3, 218, but slow with a 4.60 40

Jones: Undrafted in 2008 out of Texas; Spent portion of 2008 season on St. Louis practice squad; no NFL stats; ran a 4.41 40 at the Texas pro day; As a senior, had 70 catches for 795 yards and 5 touchdowns and was named Second-team All-Big 12 Conference by The NFL Draft Report

Lucas: Undrafted in 2004 out of Alabama State; Has been signed by Tennessee, Green Bay and Tampa Bay, but has only played in three NFL games, one with Green Bay and two with Tampa; Career totals: Three games with one start, five receptions for 82 yards (including a 52-yard reception); Has also played Arena ball and was allocated to NFL Europe by the Packers

Robinson: Drafted by the Falcons out of Illinois State in the third round of the 2007 NFL Draft; Finished fourth in receptions by a rookie in 2007 with 37 (behind only Dwayne Bowe, Calvin Johnson and James Jones); Missed most of 2008 with head and hamstring injuries, finishing with five catches in six games; Career totals: 21 games with six starts, 42 receptions for 489 yards and one touchdown; Had a seven-catch, 114-yard, 1-TD game against Arizona as a rookie; Acquired from Atlanta in exchange for swapping positions in the fifth and sixth rounds of the 2009 NFL Draft; Big at 6-2 and runs a 4.38 40.

Stanley: Drafted by the Rams in the seventh round of the 2007 NFL Draft out of Wisconsin-Whitewater; Split between active roster and practice squad in 2007 and 2008; Career totals: 13 games with no starts, 6 receptions for 119 yards and one touchdown (an 80-yarder against the Cardinals last year); In college, was an All-American in track and reportedly ran a 4.32 40; Still in the rehab stage from late-season knee surgery and was held out of recent minicamp

Now even the most die-hard, self-deluded, pie-in-the-sky Rams fans would have to admit that list is seriously light in the loafers when it comes to NFL production.

Holt had 869 receptions on his resume. This group has a total of 119.

Screwed, right?

In the words of Lee Corso, “Not so fast, my friend.”

Nw offensive coordinator Pat Shurmer is out of the “West Coast” system. Though that term has been bastardized to death, one trait that carries through most iterations of the offense, particularly in Philadelphia, is that you don’t need a dominant Pro Bowl receiver to make it successful.

Just take a look at the list of leading receivers during Andy Reid’s tenure with the Eagles (Shurmer’s been there for all of it):

1999: WR Torrance Small with 49 receptions
2000: TE Chad Lewis with 69
2001: Tie between WR James Thrash and RB Duce Staley with 63 each
2002: WR Todd Pinkston with 60
2003: Thrash with 49
2004: WR Terrell Owens with 77
2005: Tie between RB Brian Westbrook and TE LJ Smith with 61
2006: Westbrook with 77
2007: Westbrook with 90
2008: WR DeSean Jackson with 62

In ten seasons, the Eagles have had only two receivers go over 1000 yards: Kevin Curtis with 1110 on 77 catches in 2007 and TO with 1200 on 77 catches in 2004.

Total team record: 97-62-1 with five trips to the NFC Championship Game and one Super Bowl. And it wasn’t just Jim Johnson’s defense that got them there: They finished in the top dozen of points scored in seven of the ten years.

So now that we’ve established that having the second coming of Jerry Rice isn’t a necessity for a successful Rams offense, let’s take a look at what they do have:

Speed and size. Plenty of it.

I’ll admit that when the Rams selected Avery out of Houston ahead of every single other receiver in the 2008 draft, I was dubious. It wasn’t so much that I thought he was a bad player, but that they needed as many impact defensive payers as they could get if they had any chance whatsoever at saving Scott Linehan’s job through a brutal early-season schedule.

But Avery has shown flashes of being able to be a true number one receiver in the NFL. The 163 yards he put up on the Patriots last year were the most by any one guy all season, a list that includes Dwayne Bowe, Laveranues Coles, Isaac Bruce, Brandon Marshall, Reggie Wayne, Marvin Harrison, Lee Evans, Hines Ward, Santonio Holmes, Deion Branch and Larry Fitzgerald.

And though he was playing against Conference USA defenses, Avery still had 11 100-plus yard games in his college career, including a 346-yard game on 13 catches with two touchdowns against Rice as a senior.

Maybe I’m going out on a bit of a limb here, but it wouldn’t surprise me in the least to see Avery make his first Pro Bowl in the next two or three years.

As for the rest of the receiver corps, it’s a list of maybes.

Maybe Burton develops into a solid possession receiver (he was running opposite Avery with the first team in the recent minicamp).

Maybe Robinson picks up where he left off as a rookie and becomes a solid number three.

Maybe Stanley continues to develop into a consistent threat.

Maybe Brown or Byers or Jones or Gant or Lucas surprises and makes the club (though chances are only one of them will, and that’s if the Rams don’t bring in anybody else).

But with the particular brand of offense being installed, those maybes are far more acceptable than they would be somewhere else (say Denver, where Josh McDaniels is installing a spread offense that uses four and even five receivers at a time).

The Rams may not have a fantasy drafter’s dream at the position. They’re not the second coming of the Greatest Show on Turf. They’re not going to be the Patriots or the Cardinals or the Saints.

But they could be the Eagles. And recent history has shown us that’s more than enough.

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In case you’ve been wondering why I’ve had such an influx of Rams articles, it’s because of the recently announced program whereby CBSSports will pick one writer for each team to act as a beat reporter under the CBS flag. That’s full access – home games, training camp practices (even those closed to fans), regular season practices, press conferences, locker room interviews, the works.

As part of the selection process, CBS has asked that applicants write a series of articles as follows:

Testing Roster Knowledge/Team History (Pick at least two topics from below to write articles about.)

1. What are your realistic 2009 season expectations for the team you'd like to cover? What will it take to exceed them, and what obstacles could cause the team to fall short?

2. Following free agency and the NFL Draft, what holes are still present on your team's roster? How will the team look to plug them and how glaring could these weaknesses be when exposed during the season?

3. What is your favorite team of all-time? (e.g., 2000 Patriots, 1994 49ers, etc.)

4. What turned you into a fan of the team you'd like to cover?

5. What will be your team's biggest positional battles (veterans vs. emerging youngsters, rookies battling it out to make an impact on the roster) of summer camp?

6. How strong is your team's division? How will it impact the team’s playoff chances?

Testing X’s and O’s (Pick at least one topic to write an article about.)

1. Which five plays were most effective for your team in 2008, and what formations did they come out of?

2. What do you envision as the biggest changes in your team's playbook due to shifts in team personnel and coaching staff?

Testing Creativity and Research Ability (Write one article for each of the topics below.)

1. Pick any player from your team, and list all of the questions you would ask for a feature interview.

2. Write a profile on your team's coaching staff. Single out key members in the team’s play calling, decision making, etc. How did the key members rise to that position?

In Draft: The All Unemployed Team

2009-05-11T19:45:00.000-07:00

Thinking about a new column called the NFL All Unemployed Team. Here’s what I got so far:

QB: Rex Grossman, J.P. Losman, Charlie Frye, Anthony Wright

RB: Warrick Dunn, Deuce McAllister, Rudi Johnson, DeShaun Foster, Ahman Green, Edgerrin James, Chris Perry, Aaron Stecker

WR: Drew Bennett, Drew Carter, D.J. Hackett, Dante' Hall, Marvin Harrison, Ike Hilliard, Darrell Jackson, Matt Jones, Brandon Lloyd, Ashley Lelie, Justin McCareins, Shaun McDonald, Jerry Porter, Koren Robinson, Amani Toomer, Kelley Washington, Reggie Williams

TE: Bubba Franks, Mark Bruener, Ben Troupe, Daniel Wilcox

OT: Harvey Dahl, Jason Fabini, George Foster, Wayne Gandy, Kwame Harris, Jonas Jennings, Fred Miller, Jon Runyan, Mark Tauscher

G: Tyson Clabo, Kynan Forney, Adrian Jones, Pete Kendall, Matt Lehr, Chris Naeole, Grey Ruegamer

C: Melvin Fowler, Andy McCollum, Jeremy Newberry, Rudy Niswanger, Bryan Pittman

CB: Fakhir Brown, Jamar Fletcher, Brian Kelly, Ricky Manning Jr, Mike McKenzie, Deltha O'Neal, Chris McAlister, Dre Bly, Ty Law, David Barrett, Sam Madison

S: Michael Boulware, Mike Brown, Matt Giordano, Mike Green, Rodney Harrison, Marlon McCree, Lawyer Milloy

LB: Derrick Brooks, Freddy Keiaho, Napoleon Harris, Willie McGinest, Nate Webster, Jamie Winborn, Paris Lenon, John DiGiorgio, Dontarrious Thomas, Darrell McClover

DE: Jason Babin, Jason Taylor, Vonnie Holliday, Kevin Carter, Kalimba Edwards, Ebenezer Ekuban, Kenechi Udeze, John Engelberger, Jerome McDougle, N.D. Kalu

DT: Anthony Weaver, John Thornton, La'Roi Glover, Dewayne Robertson, Ellis Wyms, Darwin Walker

K: Matt Stover, John Carney

P: Sam Koch
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I know I’m not an NBA expert by any means, but mark it down: The long-predicted Cavs-Lakers series isn’t happening. It’s going to be Cavs-Nuggets. And though LeBron-Kobe would have had the basketball world enthralled, don’t underestimate the entertainment value of a LeBron-Carmelo Anthony series.

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In the continuing train wreck that is Javon Walker, the receiver last season being found beaten in a Las Vegas alley-way recently informed the Raiders that he had recently undergone knee surgery.

Without telling the team.

Why Al Davis just doesn’t cut the guy I don’t know. Due to various injuries and a generally shitty personality, Walker has just 41 catches for 483 yards and one touchdown in 16 games (12 starts) over the past two seasons.

If you’re not familiar with all Walker’s trials and tribulations, I wrote about it last June.

Z, there’s a funny rant by you in the comments section. Seems an insinuation I made about the Rams moving out of St. Louis got under your skin a tad.

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"US sacks commander in Afghanistan"

Fire as many generals as you want. It's not going to change the fact you're fighting a determined enemy on their own turf, which just happens to some of the most inhospitable turf in the world.

I'm going to try and make this as simple as I can:

YOU CANNOT MAKE A COUNTRY STUCK IN THE 15TH CENTURY CHANGE THEIR THINKING! THEY WILL ALWAYS HATE YOU! LEAVE!

I swear our insistence as a country that we can fix people is going to be our downfall.

New Blood Brings New Life to the NFC West

2009-05-10T19:16:00.000-07:00

If you were to ask 10,000 football fans from around the country to create a power poll of NFL divisions in 2009, chances are it would probably go something like this:

1. NFC East (Giants, Eagles and Cowboys could all candidates for deep playoff runs)

2. AFC East (Tom Brady back, Rex Ryan taking over the Jets, defending division champion Dolphins returning pretty much everybody)

3. AFC South (Peyton Manning and always-dangerous Colts offense, crushing Titans defense, on-the-cusp Texans)

4. AFC North (Defending champion Steelers and the brutal Ravens defense)

5. NFC North (Bears with a legitimate QB in Jay Cutler, Adrian Peterson in Minnesota)

6. NFC South (New-age Falcons, ground-dominant Panthers and the pass-dominant Saints)

7. AFC West (Chargers with an explosive offense and defense, new offensive coaching staffs in Kansas City and Denver, great Oakland run game)

8. And finally, an NFC West that may have sent their division champ to the Super Bowl last year, but features two teams from the NFL Draft’s top five and a San Francisco squad looking at a training camp QB competition between Shaun Hill and Alex Smith.

But if there’s one thing everybody should have learned by now, it’s that offseason expectations have a tendency to get turned upside down once the regular season kicks off.

And if you’re looking for the spot of biggest surprise, look no further than the bottom of those power rankings.

With the addition of two new head coaches (three if you count Mike Singletary taking over full time in San Francisco), six new coordinators, plus the addition of the top offensive lineman, top wide receiver and top linebacker in the 2009 NFL Draft, the NFC West is about to make a move.

With the player personnel shuffle pretty much over and the coaching carousel no longer spinning, let’s take a look at the four teams in the NFC West, how they’ve changed, and what lies in store for 2009.

(In order of predicted finish)

ARIZONA

2008 record: 9-7 in the regular season (6-0 in division, 3-7 against the rest of the league); Beat Atlanta, Carolina and Philadelphia to make Super Bowl before losing to Pittsburgh

Coaching changes: Both coordinators from their Super Bowl run are gone with offensive coordinator Todd Haley becoming the head coach in Kansas City and defensive coordinator Clancy Pendergast politely dumped on his ass.

Head coach Ken Whisenhunt promoted linebackers coach Bill Davis to defensive coordinator, while the OC role will be split between Russ Grimm (running game coordinator) and Mike Miller (passing game coordinator). Whisenhunt, Grimm and Miller will combine to develop the offensive game plans each week, while Whisenhunt will call the plays in 2009, with Miller being developed to eventually take on that role.

End result: Though the names have changed, there shouldn’t be any real difference in how the Cardinals go about developing their offensive and defensive game plans. What you saw in 2007 and 2008 is pretty much what you can expect in 2009.

Notable personnel losses: RB Edgerrin James, RB J.J. Arrington (Broncos), FB Terrelle Smith (Lions), CB Eric Green (Dolphins), CB Roderick Hood, DE Antonio Smith (Texans), DE Travis LaBoy

Notable personnel gains: S Keith Lewis (49ers), CB Bryant McFadden (Steelers), RB Jason Wright (Browns), FB Dan Kreider (Rams)

Draft: RB Chris “Beanie” Wells (Round 1, Ohio State), DE Cody Brown (Round 2, Connecticut), S Rashad Johnson (Round 3, Alabama), CB Greg Toler (Round 4, St. Paul’s), OT Herman Johnson (Round 5, LSU), DE Will Davis (Round 6, Illinois), RB LaRod Stephens-Howling (Round 7, Pittsburgh), G Trevor Canfield (Round 7, Cincinnati)

Schedule: San Francisco, @Jacksonville, Indianapolis (Sunday night), Bye, Houston, @Seattle, @NY Giants (Sunday night), Carolina, @Chicago, Seattle, @St. Louis, @Tennessee, Minnesota, @San Francisco (Monday night), @Detroit, St. Louis, Green Bay

West Coast teams losing 1 p.m. games on the East Coast became a major story line last year, especially for Arizona. But this year, they only have one EST 1 p.m. game (Jacksonville in Week 2) and only one other game on the East Cast (Sunday night at the Giants in Week 7). After that, they make a couple of trips to the middle of the country (Detroit, Chicago, St. Louis, Tennessee), but none of those brutal all-the-way-across-the-country treks. The home finish against the Rams and Packers may be what puts the Cardinals over the top in the race for the division title.

Outlook: There’s always the Super Bowl loser’s curse to contend with, but the Cardinals seem fairly well primed to repeat a run to the playoffs. A lot will depend on Kurt Warner’s ability to remain healthy, or Matt Leinart’s ability to step in if Warner does go down.

Even though the Anquan Boldin situation has the possibility of becoming a distraction, it’s a fairly minor concern in the general scheme of things. With really only one major loss off last year’s roster (Antonio Smith) and four guys out of their draft class potential contributors in year one (not counting Johnson, who I think will be a star in time), the Cardinals are a better team from top to bottom than they were last season.

SEATTLE

2008 record: 4-12 (3-3 against the division, 1-9 against the rest of the league)

Coaching changes: Mike Holmgren is gone after 10 years, and gone with him are both of last year’s coordinators, offensive coordinator Gil Haskell and defensive coordinator John Marshall.

Replacing Holmgren is secondary / assistant head coach Jim Mora. This is the second head stint for Mora, who served as the head man in Atlanta from 2004 to 2006 (26-22 record with one appearance in the NFC Championship Game in 2004).

As his new offensive coordinator, Mora has installed his old OC from his Falcons days, Greg Knapp, most recently of the Oakland Raiders. The bio states that Knapp runs the “West Coast Offense” (a heavily over-used generalization for a passing game based on shorter timing throws that theoretically lead to high completion percentages), but a look at Knapp’s record as offensive coordinator in Atlanta reveals that he is a run-run-run-pass-run-run kind of play caller: The Falcons led the league in both rush yards per game and average yards per rush all three years in Atlanta.

On defense, Mora has brought over a disciple of Monte Kiffin’s Tampa 2 defense in former Bucs linebackers coach Casey “Gus” Bradley. If you want to know what Kiffin thought of Bradley, just check out this quote when Kiffin called Mora to recommend Bradley for the position: “I have got a guy here in Tampa that is one of, if not, the finest football coaches I have ever worked with. He's an A-plus. He's a once-in-a-lifetime coach. You need to talk to him.”

That’s Monte Kiffin talking.

Notable personnel losses: DT Rocky Bernard (Giants), DT Howard Green (Jets), WR Bobby Engram (Chiefs), WR Koren Robinson, RB Maurice Morris (Lions), FB Leonard Weaver (Eagles), OT Floyd Womack (Browns), LB Julian Peterson (Lions)

Notable personnel gains: DT Colin Cole (Packers), DT Cory Redding (Lions), FB Justin Griffith (Raiders), WR T.J. Houshmandzadeh (Bengals), CB Ken Lucas (Panthers)

Draft: LB Aaron Curry (Round 1, Wake Forest), C Max Unger (Round 2, Oregon), WR Deon Butler (Round 3, Penn State), QB Mike Teel (Round 6, Rutgers), S Courtney Greene (Round 7, Rutgers), DE Nick Reed (Round 7, Oregon), TE Cameron Morrah (Round 7, California)

Schedule: St. Louis, @San Francisco, Chicago, @Indianapolis, Jacksonville, Arizona, Bye, @Dallas, Detroit, @Arizona, @Minnesota, @St. Louis, San Francisco, @Houston, Tampa Bay, @Green Bay, Tennessee

Not a great slate considering a back-to-back-to-back road series at Arizona, Minnesota and St. Louis in November, one week at home against the 49ers, then back on the road to play the Texans. That Week 1 game against the Rams is going to be critically important to set the tone. They might catch a break in the season finale if the Titans are already in solid playoffs position and don’t feel like playing their starters.

Outlook: You have to really like the direction this franchise has gone after growing stale under Holmgren. The drafting of Curry and Unger should pay immediate dividends, as should the additions of Cole and Redding on the defensive line and Houshmandzadeh alongside Deion Branch and Nate Burleson at receiver (not to mention John Carlson at tight end).

The health of quarterback Matt Hasselbeck will be a big question since Seneca Wallace hasn’t shown the ability to really carry a team. You also have to wonder whether the running backs currently on the roster can do what Knapp is going to want from them. Don’t be surprised if they try to add a proven veteran before or during camp. If not, Julius Jones could turn out to be a hell of a value in fantasy drafts.

ST. LOUIS

2008 record: 2-14 (0-6 against the division, 2-8 against the rest of the league)

Coaching changes: The Rams declined to offer the full-time job to 2008 interim head coach Jim Haslett and instead brought over New York Giants defensive coordinator Steve Spagnuolo for his first head coaching job.

A disciple of Jim Johnson’s blitzing scheme in Philadelphia, Spagnuolo’s defense in New York wracked up 95 sacks in his two years at the helm. In 2007, they put the “1” in New England’s infamous “18-1” by harassing the living hell out of Tom Brady and the greatest offense in the history of the NFL. And in 2008, the Giants’ defense ranked fifth in the league in total defense (292 yards per game) and scoring defense (18.4 points per game).

Running Spagnuolo’s defense will be new defensive coordinator Ken Flajole, formerly the Panthers linebackers coach under John Fox. As the LBs coach in Carolina, Flajole developed, among others, Jon Beason, Dan Morgan, Mark Fields and current Rams LB Will Witherspoon, the first three making the Pro Bowl while under Flajole’s charge.

Spagnuolo brought over another NFC East guy in former Eagles QB coach Pat Shurmer to serve as his offensive coordinator. In Shurmer’s seven years as the Philly QB coach, Donovan McNabb was elected to three Pro Bowls and has pretty much re-written the franchise passing record book.

The Rams offense under Shurmer is likely to be a pass-dominated scheme, with Steven Jackson playing the role of a bigger, stronger version of Brian Westbrook. You can also expect a resurgence of the tight end position in St. Louis, greatly benefiting Randy McMichael (if he can stay healthy).

Notable personnel losses: QB Trent Green, WR Torry Holt (Jaguars), WR Dante Hall, WR Drew Bennett, OT Orlando Pace (Bears), DT La’Roi Glover, CB Fakhir Brown, CB Ricky Manning Jr., S Corey Chavous, RB Brian Leonard (Bengals), LB Pisa Tinoisamoa

Notable personnel gains: QB Kyle Boller (Ravens), C Jason Brown (Ravens), S James Butler (Giants), WR Laurent Robinson (Falcons), DT Orien Harris (Bengals), FB Mike Karney (Saints)

Draft: OT Jason Smith (Round 1, Baylor), LB James Laurinaitis (Round 2, Ohio State), CB/S Bradley Fletcher (Round 3, Iowa), DT Dorell Scott (Round 4, Clemson), WR Brooks Foster (Round 5, North Carolina), QB Keith Null (Round 6, West Texas A&M), RB Chris Ogbonnaya (Round 7, Texas)

Schedule: @Seattle, @Washington, Green Bay, @San Francisco, Minnesota, @Jacksonville, Indianapolis, @Detroit, Bye, New Orleans, Arizona, Seattle, @Chicago, @Tennessee, Houston, @Arizona, San Francisco

Tough break for Spagnuolo: Three road games in their first four, including a brutal turnaround from Seattle in Week 1 to Washington in Week 2. They also have a three-game stretch of Minnesota, @Jacksonville, Indianapolis from Week 5 to Week 7.

The Rams do catch a break with a rare three-game home stretch, after a bye no less, so they’ll go from a Nov. 1 Week 8 road contest at Detroit all the way to a Dec. 6 Week 13 trip to Chicago without having to leave home. The question is whether they’ll get to that stretch in good enough shape to take advantage.

Outlook: The Rams did exactly what they needed to this offseason by building up the offensive line with Brown and Smith, fortifying the secondary with Butler (plus franchising OJ Atogwe and extending Ron Bartell), and building the roster with high-character guys like Karney and Laurinaitis.

Spagnuolo and GM Billy Devaney also made the hard, but right choices to let go of the past by releasing the faces of the franchise in Holt, Pace and Tinoisamoa, the latter a bit more of a surprise than the other two, but still wholly understandable.

The Rams still need a top receiver, some additional talent/depth on the offensive line, more linebackers and overall general roster depth, but they are already infinitely better than they were the last time they stepped on the field in 2008.

SAN FRANCISCO

2008 record: 7-9 (3-3 in the division, 4-6 against the rest of the league)

Coaching changes: To nobody’s surprise, Mike Singletary ditched out on Mike Martz’ “get the QB killed” offensive scheme that hasn’t worked since 2003, replacing him with Jimmy Raye, whose tenure as an NFL coach spans all the way back to 1977.

Most recently the running backs coach under Eric Mangini with the Jets, Raye isn’t going to set the world on fire with gadget plays and trickery. He’s going to call running play after running play, which is exactly what Singletary wants.

On defense, Singletary retained defensive coordinator Greg Manusky, a former linebacker built in the Singletary mold – tough, intense and takes no crap from anybody. Despite a roster full of holes and an offense that did it absolutely no favors, Manusky helped lead the 49ers defense into the top half of the league in total defense (13th, 326 yards per game) and rush defense (13th, 106.8 yards per game). Given a full year to tailor the personnel to his scheme, they should be able to improve on that.

Notable personnel losses: LB Tully Banta-Cain (Patriots), LB Roderick Green, WR Bryant Johnson (Lions), DT Ronald Fields (Broncos), RB DeShaun Foster, OT Jonas Jennings, S Keith Lewis (Cardinals), CB Donald Strickland (Jets), QB J.T. O'Sullivan (Bengals)

Notable personnel gains: DE Demetric Evans (Redskins), QB Damon Huard (Chiefs), WR Brandon Jones (Titans), RB Jamel White (Steelers), OT Marvel Smith (Steelers)

Draft: WR Michael Crabtree (Round 1, Texas Tech), RB Glen Coffee (Round 3, Alabama), LB Scott McKillop (Round 5, Pittsburgh), QB Nate Davis (Round 5, Ball State), TE Bear Pascoe (Round 6, Fresno State), S Curtis Taylor (Round 7, LSU), DT Ricky Jean-Francois (Round 7, LSU)

Schedule: @Arizona, Seattle, @Minnesota, St. Louis, Atlanta, Bye, @Houston, @Indianapolis, Tennessee, Chicago (Thursday night), @Green Bay, Jacksonville, @Seattle, Arizona (Monday night), @Philadelphia, Detroit, @St. Louis

All-in-all, this isn’t a bad schedule. Even if they fall in the Week 1 trip to Arizona, they have an immediate chance to even themselves in the division with the Seahawks. They only have one back-to-back road series, and neither game is on the East Coast, always a consideration for West Coast teams. They only have one East Coast game on the entire schedule and will go nearly a full month (September 27 to October 25) between road games.

Outlook: The 2009 49ers have loaded up pretty much everywhere but where it counts most – quarterback. In the battle between Hill and Smith at quarterback, would anybody really be surprised if it was Huard who ended up starting the most games at QB? Crabtree was a great pick-up in the draft, but first-round receivers don’t transform passing games. Without a dominant defense, which San Francisco still doesn’t have, it takes at least an above-average quarterback if you want to contend for a division title. They don’t have that either.

With two first-round picks in next year’s quarterback-rich draft, expect San Francisco to go after Sam Bradford, Jevan Snead, Tim Tebow or Colt McCoy to set the franchise up for a major move in 2010 and beyond.

Jesus Christ!

2009-05-08T06:22:00.000-07:00

Taken off the wire:

“Major League Baseball is expected to announce Thursday that Los Angeles Dodgers outfielder Manny Ramirez has tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs and will be suspended for 50 games, The Los Angeles Times is reporting.”

Another giant of the game bites the dust.

2424 career hits, .315 lifetime batting average, 533 home runs, 1745 RBI, 1466 runs scored.

Tainted.

One more douche on the douche pile.

Then again, maybe he's innocent. One of the uses in males of hCG is Hypogonadism, which results, in crude terms, when your balls don't work right (making boys who can't swin right, for instance).

I don't know. Something about this story just doesn't feel right. I think everybody is having far too easy of a time jumping to conclusions based more on who Manny is than the scientificic evidence of the case.

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Two signs I’m getting old:

I was driving the other day, and the new Metallica song came on. And I changed it to Dancing With Myself.

I went shopping on Tuesday. The parking lot was crowded. I was like, “what the hell?” And then I realized it was Cinco de Mayo and they were all going to the Mexican joint that shares a parking lot with the grocery store. And my only thought was, “I hope they don’t tow my car. Then all my groceries would spoil.”

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You know, Barack Obama is doing a good job at seeming to be doing a good job. When he was elected, everybody was in a hands-in-the-air-screaming panic. Now the economy seems to be stabilizing. The housing market seems to have reached a bottom. The job market might get a little bit worse, but we can at least see the bottom in the distance. So, all in all, the mood of the country has improved a great deal over Obama’s first 100-something days in office.

But … there’s always a price to pay for immediate gratification. Obama’s softening toward hard line Muslims will only embolden their stance against Israel. The rush to stop the economic blood-letting is going to leave us so far in debt, we could give sign over Oregon to the Chinese and it still wouldn’t cover the tab. And now with a Supreme Court nomination in his hand (and likely at least one other in this term), he’s got the ability to make major changes to the social fabric of this country. And if you start seeing gun rights and other social hot buttons like abortion and gay marriage go against the conservative ethos, you’re going to see a hardened crust of uber-conservatives emerge as a new national power in the next decade.

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Michael Irvin is going to have a reality show on Spike starting May 18 where he takes a dozen or so wide receivers and defensive backs and they compete for a shot at playing for a spot on the Dallas Cowboys.

I don’t even know where to go with that. Do you do the cocaine and hookers joke? The collapsing practice facility (which would be in horrible taste)? The really ugly suits and getting fired by ESPN joke?

I’m going to have to think about this.

---

On the career front, I’ve been asked to appear on my first radio program, which is pretty exciting. It’s called Sports Overnight America, and it’s hosted by Patrick Mauro. The show will run from 12 am to 5 am Saturday night (so technically on Sunday). I believe my segment is at 12:40 am central.

In St. Louis, the program will air on 1380 AM. Otherwise, you can stream it live on the web at http://www.sportsbyline.com/.

Hope I don’t make a jack-ass of myself.